October 27 – Why humans invented Halloween

October 27, 2009 at 6:48 pm | Posted in Books, dogs, Halloween, holidays, Humor, Media, publishing, Reading, TV, Writing | 9 Comments
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     I asked a simple question, “Why are our humans making all the fuss over this Halloween thing?”  It created a spirited discussion between the neighborhood canines. 
     Of course, Barbie, one of our ‘hood cocker spaniels, started talking before I finished.  She’s the know-it-all that every street has.  “It has to do with scaring away dead people.  Halloween is the day that the dead come back to life and parade around.  Humans get all excited and scared.  They dress up so the dead won’t recognize them and come and eat them.”
     “Yes, that’s right,” Manny the chihuahua said.
     “Human poop, it has nothing to do with the dead.  It comes from a Christian religious celebration called All Saints Day,” Sarge our resident German Shepard said authoritatively.
     “He’s right,” Manny agreed.
     “Wait a minute.”  Fifi the French Poodle looked skeptical.  “Let me understand.  People dress up like all kind of creatures that do horrible things to celebrate a religious holiday?  Yeah.  Sure.  If you believe that I’ve got a space ship in my human’s garage that’s shaped like a boat I’ll sell cheap.”
     “She’s probably right,” Manny had second thoughts.
     Baseer our Afghan said, “You don’t know about these Christians, they can be violent.  Now take us non-violent Muslims–“
     “He’s got a point,” Manny chimed in before Baseer finished, but he didn’t look sincere.
     “You’re all full of it!  It’s a capitalist plot to sell candy and teach their young how to extort goodies from the proletariat!  Read Marx.”  Lucy is Barbie’s twin sister, but boy do they see everything different.
     Manny asked, “Which Marx?”
     “Harpo,” Lucy said with certainty, but added, “Groucho was a major contributor to the theory.” 
     “Oh, okay,” Manny said.
     “I don’t believe this.  Can’t you see this is all a vast left-wing conspiracy?  The Commies are collectivising our young human people.  Soon they’ll have them singing songs about the glory of the Great Pumpkin in class.  Brain washing, I tell you.”  Sparkles Irish blood wasn’t settled.
     “You have a point, too,” Manny observed.
     I cleared my throat and said, “Hummm, if I understand you all… Halloween is holiday that humans celebrate to scare away evil spirits, based on religious tradition observed by some and not others, that some don’t believe in at all, and its a day the young humans are exploited by business, but also a day that two guys named Harpo and Groucho brainwash human kids into being like the Borg in Star Trek.”
     “Who said anything about the Borg or Star Trek?” Manny asked.
     “Oh, that’s just something I added,” I said.  “Does everybody agree that I covered it?”
     “That sounds right,” Manny conceded.
      Everybody woofed their agreement except Heintz.  Manny asked, “Heintz, you’re the only one who hasn’t said a word.  What do you think?”
     “Think?  Think!  I don’t think, I act!”
     “Well, Heintz, what are you going to do,” I asked.
     Heintz grinned and growled, “Bite the little bastards with the bags.”  There’s a man or woman of action in almost every group. 
     I think the whole Halloween thing is complicated and dumb, but considering humans thought it up, I understand.  Give me the good old canine holiday, “Trashcan Tipover Time,” for simplicity and pure fun.

www.dlhavlin-author.com

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9 Comments »

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  1. Hi Sandy – it’s your big sis, EmmaLou, the Golden Destroyer here. My human mom actually tried to put an old Washington Redskins tee shirt on me and make me parade around in it for trick or treat. I promptly bit a hole in it and she got the point. I don’t do costumes. Humans are just so silly, not nearly as evolved as we canines! Happy Howloween Sandy!

  2. So glad you all had a chance to sit back and discuss this subject. The answers all were very interesting! I love how you all have such valid opinions. Me, I just figure that it is a great time to buy candy at the stores. They have SO MANY kinds for this holiday…HALLOWEEN! Now, be careful of all those strange humans walking around your parts! :)

  3. I think “Trashcan Tipover Time” is included in the “Trick” portion of “Trick or Treat”.

  4. Just managed to get my paws on the keyboard for two minutes while she makes a cup of that tea stuff. I never got to have any fun at all on Halloween cos my owners put up a notice in the door to keep everyone away, so no fun barking at those weirdos for me! And now they’ve hoiked me off to Spain to live, Halloween’s not really celebrated at all.

  5. Zoh! Wonderful…I wet my pants…..

    Thank you for writing this…it was soooo funny~~

    Hugs,
    Lady Nyo

  6. It’s always good to hear the canine perspective! I only get the feline perspective at my place.

  7. Ha! It’s as good an explanation as any I’ve heard.

  8. lol, fantastic but now i will get all nerdy.
    alloween derves from the ancient celtic festival of samhain.
    The two worlds merge and spirtis enter.
    amazing to think that an ancent tradition still survives today.
    it emphasises the importance of folklore

  9. Sounds good to me Sandy – All I know is its my birthday!


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