October 27 – Why humans invented HalloweenOctober 27, 2009 at 6:48 pm | Posted in Books, dogs, Halloween, holidays, Humor, Media, publishing, Reading, TV, Writing | 9 Comments
Tags: animal tales, Books, dogs, Entertainment, Fox & Friends, funny stories, Halloween, holidays, Humor, life, Media, publishing, Reading, Writing
I asked a simple question, “Why are our humans making all the fuss over this Halloween thing?” It created a spirited discussion between the neighborhood canines.
Of course, Barbie, one of our ‘hood cocker spaniels, started talking before I finished. She’s the know-it-all that every street has. “It has to do with scaring away dead people. Halloween is the day that the dead come back to life and parade around. Humans get all excited and scared. They dress up so the dead won’t recognize them and come and eat them.”
“Yes, that’s right,” Manny the chihuahua said.
“Human poop, it has nothing to do with the dead. It comes from a Christian religious celebration called All Saints Day,” Sarge our resident German Shepard said authoritatively.
“He’s right,” Manny agreed.
“Wait a minute.” Fifi the French Poodle looked skeptical. “Let me understand. People dress up like all kind of creatures that do horrible things to celebrate a religious holiday? Yeah. Sure. If you believe that I’ve got a space ship in my human’s garage that’s shaped like a boat I’ll sell cheap.”
“She’s probably right,” Manny had second thoughts.
Baseer our Afghan said, “You don’t know about these Christians, they can be violent. Now take us non-violent Muslims–“
“He’s got a point,” Manny chimed in before Baseer finished, but he didn’t look sincere.
“You’re all full of it! It’s a capitalist plot to sell candy and teach their young how to extort goodies from the proletariat! Read Marx.” Lucy is Barbie’s twin sister, but boy do they see everything different.
Manny asked, “Which Marx?”
“Harpo,” Lucy said with certainty, but added, “Groucho was a major contributor to the theory.”
“Oh, okay,” Manny said.
“I don’t believe this. Can’t you see this is all a vast left-wing conspiracy? The Commies are collectivising our young human people. Soon they’ll have them singing songs about the glory of the Great Pumpkin in class. Brain washing, I tell you.” Sparkles Irish blood wasn’t settled.
“You have a point, too,” Manny observed.
I cleared my throat and said, “Hummm, if I understand you all… Halloween is holiday that humans celebrate to scare away evil spirits, based on religious tradition observed by some and not others, that some don’t believe in at all, and its a day the young humans are exploited by business, but also a day that two guys named Harpo and Groucho brainwash human kids into being like the Borg in Star Trek.”
“Who said anything about the Borg or Star Trek?” Manny asked.
“Oh, that’s just something I added,” I said. “Does everybody agree that I covered it?”
“That sounds right,” Manny conceded.
Everybody woofed their agreement except Heintz. Manny asked, “Heintz, you’re the only one who hasn’t said a word. What do you think?”
“Think? Think! I don’t think, I act!”
“Well, Heintz, what are you going to do,” I asked.
Heintz grinned and growled, “Bite the little bastards with the bags.” There’s a man or woman of action in almost every group.
I think the whole Halloween thing is complicated and dumb, but considering humans thought it up, I understand. Give me the good old canine holiday, “Trashcan Tipover Time,” for simplicity and pure fun.