Tags: Blue Ridge Bookfest, Books, dogs, fiction, Hendersonville NC, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing
Have you ever been faced with the dilema of feeling obligated to deliver “bad” news? To a friend? To an associate at work or at another organization? A relative? It’s not a fun experience.
I’ve recently been faced with delivering some not so nice facts in common situations. After a lot of ear scratching, I’ve come up with a few suggestions you might want to try if “forced” to be the harbinger of doom.
Upon having to tell someone they’ve gained a little too much weight–
“Gosh, you need to take pictures with your old camera. The pictures taken with your new cell phone (I-pad, etc.) make your clothes look tight.”
Upon having to tell someone they didn’t make the team–
“You’re lucky. You’ll be able hang-out every afternoon, drinking soda (beer, or whatever) and watch TV while I’m sweating my boobs (balls) off with the team.
Upon having to tell someone their cooking leaves room for improvement–
“Aaaaaa, Aaaaaa, Aaaaaa…Next time we eat, let’s not have you work so hard. Let’s go to MacDonalds.”
Upon having to tell someone a trip to the shower is in order–
“Wow! All that stuff about danger to our environment is true. Did you notice that a skunk and three buzzards died as you passed by?”
More news! I’m going on the Geezer’s and Mrs. G’s trip! They’ll be at the Blue Ridge Bookfest in Hendersonville, NC on Friday, May 17th and Saturday May 18th. It’s held on the Blue Ridge Community College campus. He’ll be introducing his new book Blue Water, Red Blood that was just released May 1st. We’ll also be stopping at some book clubs (like the Lake Sinclair Book Club) and book stores (Malaprops, B&N, etc.) on the way up and back. I could use a suggestion as to what a flat lands, semi-tropical canine should wear in the mountains this time of year. A waterfall close to where I’m going, is shown at the left. You folks who live in or are visiting the area be sure to come see us “a spell.”
Tags: Books, dogs, fiction, Humor, life, literature, publishing, Reading, Writing
The Geezer did it again! I knew something important was happening. Trying to get to the computer to blog has been difficult, if not impossible, for last month. And, the Geezer has been as jumpy as a frog on a griddle. Then he disappeared for four days, leaving me bored…my only entertainment was to do the exact opposite of whatever the dog-sitter ask me.
When he arrived back home, he had a smile engraved on his mug that made the Cheshire Cat’s look inconspicuous. I didn’t have to ask why.
“Guess what, Sandy, ” he babbled, “I won the FWA writing contest.”
“Congratulations”, I volunteered. “What did you win?” Was FWA an acronym for Funky Wombats’ Alliance? I couldn’t remember.
The Geezer got that self-important, smug smile he wears when he believes he’s achieved some important milestone. Like remembering where he stored his Viagra.
“I won the runner-up Royal Palm Literary Award,” he strongly enunciated the last for words, “for my manuscript for Francis’ Flowers. It’s a suspense/thriller genre novel.”
“Congratulations, again,” I remembered…Florida Writers Association, not Funky Wombats.
As I watched him, the Geezer’s head began swelling like a hot air balloon on steroids. “And…and… guess what?”
“What? I complied.”
His chest swelled. “My literary/mainstream manuscript for my novel, The Bully Route Home won,” the Geezer was drawing it out, dramatizing his announcement like a lady telling her husband she was pregnant, “first place?”
“A big congratulations! ” I said, The old boy was soaking up the praise like a bar sponge sucking up a spilled drink. I watched as the hot air building inside him lifted him skywards.
“DL… DL… where are you? Mrs. G called.
“I’m in the bedroom, dear.”
“Come take the trash out.”
The hot air balloon and the Geezer deflated.