Tags: Books, Current events, dogs, funny stories, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing
Recently, I’ve observed signs when on my walks with the Geezer or traveling around with him in the truck. Some were funny, some not so funny, some head nodding true, and some needed explaining. I’ll categorize.
Signs for businesses—
“The Olde Cock Inn.”
“Harry’s Hairy Waiter Lounge.”
“Greenwald’s Pet Shop & Taxidermy Service”
“The Oar House.”
“Futures Red – Madame Frig”
Signs in yards—
“Horse for sale, with harness, hay, and shovels”
“House for sale, lease, rent, or whatever”
“Stay off the **ass.”
“Go around to my back and knock”
“Bad dog! Bites everyone but cute women”
Political signs and bumper stickers—
“Vote integrity, vote Obama”
“Vote for proposition 7 – (added) girls“
“Romney = Health Care Chaos”
“Court Spacie for County Clerk”
“Larry, Curly, Moe for President in 2016″
Signs in windows and miscellaneous places—
“Hiring, must be able to….”
“Special, all deserts, friendly waitresses on sale”
“Park in my rear. Honk for service.”
“No fishing for bridge.”
“Alterations made, men’s or women’s”
“Male, neutered, take anything in trade”
“Corn, eggs, milk, fertilizer”
The one I barked at most was, “Wanted, Big Dog, Little Appetite”
Tags: Books, dogs, funny stories, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing
My human confounded me the other day. In the middle of a conversation he said, “Sorry Sandy, I have to go to the White House.” That excited me. My human … going to the White House … WOW. After thinking about the Geezer’s penchant for selecting horrible wardrobe for crucial events, I decided to hunt him down and share some of my impeccable taste in clothes with him. I expected to find the old boy in his bedroom, packing. However, as I passed the bathroom, a malodorous breeze invaded my nostrils. The Geezer was perched on the pot, a bored look on his face.
I asked, “Is this what you’re calling the White House now?”
“Yes, Sandy. Isn’t it a creative and fresh referral? And so appropriate.”
“Geezer, shame on you. Your being partisan!” I exclaimed.
“Oh contraire, my friend. Every alternative time I take a dump, I call this place the Capitol.”
Tags: Birds, Books, dogs, Florida, nature, publishing, Reading, wildlife, Writing
The mama and papa kingfishers successfully hatched their young ones. It took several days to discover them. Nature does provide great camo for the young.
I call the following series of photos “Do you see me now?”
I know you humans don’t have eyes like we canines, however if you can’t see young “prince” kingfisher in the last two shots, you might consider buying a white cane. No offense intended for the truly seeing impaired. Soon the young birds will adopt the unique coloring of their parents and join mom and dad in their daily fishing adventures.
Tags: Books, dogs, funny stories, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing
The poor old Geezer! Sometimes his best intentions turn to …. well you know … a disaster! What happened a couple of mornings ago is a good example.
The Geezer has been over-committed for the past few weeks. He’d made more promises than a judge at a beauty contest. After a couple days sequestered in his office … pounding away on his computer, he emerged to see what items he needed to do that weren’t connected to shortening his fingers on the keyboard.
The to do list was daunting. He had to get the boat and tackle ready to take his “Grands” fishing, take me for my morning walk, do laundry, cut the grass, visit the local TV station in prep for a book event, grocery shop, repair the fish cleaning table, trim the Bougainville, and haul dirt to fill a hole where a shrub had been removed. This had to be done in less than two days. That’s a full list of things to do for a young person … more than that for a codger on the shady side of seventy. The Geezer, believing he’s thirty-two, not seventy-two, decided, “No problem.”
He carefully planned his time to squeeze every last second from his busy schedule. The Geezer even took in account his “meds,” the pills he takes to remain his very healthy active self. He planned for the side effect —- the old boy’s tethered to the throne, the pot, the porcelain bus for a portion of each day. Fortunately, the impact is normally predictable. Confident operation “Overload” would be successful, the Geezer commenced early morning maneuvers.
Laundry, walking me and repairing the table took quite a bit less time than he’d allowed. After a mental check, he was sure he could get part of the grass cut before cleaning up to go to his appointment. The Geezer extracted the mower from the garage and began shoving it around the yard. I watched him follow the noisy machine around palm trees, rock-lined shrubbery, and over his lawn (one with more weeds than grass).
When he’d cut half the yard, the Geezer checked his watch. The old boy looked my way and said, “What do you say, Sandy? If I pick up the pace, you think I can get it done? That’ll be one task completed farther down the list.” I looked at him then the yard and shook my head, “I don’t know … can’t you finish later?”
“Naw, I can do it. I won’t have to take a second shower.” He pushed the mower with considerably more vigor. Ten minutes into his rush I noted his face was flushed and he made a couple of unscheduled stops standing stiff and straight behind the roaring lawn mower. Finally, he stopped altogether, becoming as rigid as a statue. I rushed over to him. His red face was a picture of distress. Fearing for his health I asked, “Hey Geezer, what’s wrong?”
“Shit!” he said.
“That doesn’t help me. Tell me what’s happening to you.”
He repeated, “Shit!” with great agitation.
It was then I discovered he was accurately describing his problem. You didn’t need my sharp olfactory sense or even my keen eyes to get a whiff and see the spreading stain in his tan shorts. He mumbled, “Shit,” again explaining both his situation and his frustration. “It’s been seventy years since I did that.”
The Geezer disappeared into the garage for fifteen minutes. He reemerged, wrapped in a blanket with soiled shorts and underwear dangling from one hand. He wandered around, turning on the water, finding the end of the hose while struggling to keep the blanket covering his naked bottom half. The old boy squirted a stream of water on his clothes to remove the well-used food from his garments. But……………….What happened next made his day complete.
Sparkle, the neighborhood Irish setter, wandered up to me. She said, “Hi Sandy, what’s happening?” as if she didn’t know. When Sparkle is around, you know her human, Irene, will be there too. From a few feet away, the lady’s soprano asked, “Oh, gee … Can I help?”
The poor old Geezer shook his head, got a better grip on the blanket, and started climbing the stairs of our stilt home. He summed up the situation in two well chosen words, “Awwwwwwwwww, shit!”
Tags: Books, dogs, fishing, Humor, life, nature, publishing, Reading, Writing
The Geezer has been busy at the computer, but he took enough time out to catch the baby tarpon he’s holding. He caught it on a light fly rod he uses to catch bluegills. You can see the fly if you look close. It was on a six pound tippet which he tells me will mean something to fishing dogs … I mean folks. It was the largest of three he caught in our back yard canal today. (Thirty-one inches)
The old boy is working hard on his new novel, To Hear the Sound of Wings. When he gets a head of steam up writing, it’s hard to pry him from the chair. Mrs G gets frustrated! Here’s why. The following is some of the conversation from this morning.
Mrs G – “Dear, did you take the garbage out?
Geezer – “Uh-huh.”
Mrs G after discovering the garbage wasn’t out – “The garbage isn’t out. Will you please do that?.”
Geezer – “Uh-huh.”
Mrs G after discovering the garbage wasn’t out and the truck had past – “You missed the garbage truck and it will smell terrible by next week.”
Geezer – “Uh-huh.”
Mrs G after some thought – “Will you empty the sawdust out of your head and into the fireplace?”
Geezer – “Uh-huh.”
Mrs G – “The toilet needs cleaning. How about wiping it out with your tongue?”
Geezer – “Uh-huh.”
Mrs G – “Are raw fish and two week old left-over liver okay for lunch?
Geezer – “Uh-no. How about a couple burgers, medium rare, tomato, mayo, onion, and five slices of dill pickle.”
Tags: birding, Books, dogs, manatees, nature, photography, publishing, Reading, wildlife, Writing
Here’s updated pictures. Family life on the Barrancas Canal is progressing! The Night Heron young are growing nicely and quickly. They’re almost as big as mom and pop in eight weeks!
If you look closely at the second picture you’ll see two of the babies that are so well disguised by their surroundings you have to strain to see them. Below are some pictures of a relatively new-born manatee a few feet from our dock. Some were taken from our porch, but Matilda and baby did a quick disappearing act when Mrs. G tried to get close.
If you haven’t looked at my previous post, check out the video clips on it — particularly the “Gator Call” video! I also have some pictures on my humans blog. Visit http://www.dlhavlin.wordpress.com for some pics of the herons when they were a few weeks younger. And don’t forget to visit http://www.dlhavlin.com to keep up with the Geezer.
Tags: Books, dogs, Florida, Humor, life, nature, publishing, Reading, wildlife, Writing
Ain’t spring grand?
It’s THAT time of year! Ahhhhhhhhhh. romance! I’ve put together some pics and clips to illustrate what spring brings to southwest Florida. Above you’ll find Matilda and Matt the manatees dining out. Yep, dating. Below is a pic of them swimming off in the sunset? Well, swimming off anyway.
Then there are those who are looking for a mate. At the slightest hint of the opposite sex, those horny rascals are on the hunt. Take Arturo the alligator. Even imitating the warbling of a winsome gator lass will bring him right to your feet. Watch him be a sucker for a gator call.
Feel sorry for poor Arturo, he’s having trouble finding just that right piece of tail. He’s asked me to help him by putting his best photo forward. It’s below.
Then there’s our bird friends. They get right with the program! They’re in love, they’re on the nest, then — WHAM, BAM, CRACK — and look what’s in the nest. Examine the second pic carefully to see all three night heron babies.
Even my friend Trooper is in an amorous way. How do you say NO without hurting a guy’s feelings? I’m silent and just stay sitting.
Ain’t Spring Grand?
To learn about my human visit his blog http://www.dlhavlin.wordpress.com
Or his web site http://www.dlhavlin.com
Tags: Blue Ridge Bookfest, Books, dogs, fiction, Hendersonville NC, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing
Have you ever been faced with the dilema of feeling obligated to deliver “bad” news? To a friend? To an associate at work or at another organization? A relative? It’s not a fun experience.
I’ve recently been faced with delivering some not so nice facts in common situations. After a lot of ear scratching, I’ve come up with a few suggestions you might want to try if “forced” to be the harbinger of doom.
Upon having to tell someone they’ve gained a little too much weight–
“Gosh, you need to take pictures with your old camera. The pictures taken with your new cell phone (I-pad, etc.) make your clothes look tight.”
Upon having to tell someone they didn’t make the team–
“You’re lucky. You’ll be able hang-out every afternoon, drinking soda (beer, or whatever) and watch TV while I’m sweating my boobs (balls) off with the team.
Upon having to tell someone their cooking leaves room for improvement–
“Aaaaaa, Aaaaaa, Aaaaaa…Next time we eat, let’s not have you work so hard. Let’s go to MacDonalds.”
Upon having to tell someone a trip to the shower is in order–
“Wow! All that stuff about danger to our environment is true. Did you notice that a skunk and three buzzards died as you passed by?”
More news! I’m going on the Geezer’s and Mrs. G’s trip! They’ll be at the Blue Ridge Bookfest in Hendersonville, NC on Friday, May 17th and Saturday May 18th. It’s held on the Blue Ridge Community College campus. He’ll be introducing his new book Blue Water, Red Blood that was just released May 1st. We’ll also be stopping at some book clubs (like the Lake Sinclair Book Club) and book stores (Malaprops, B&N, etc.) on the way up and back. I could use a suggestion as to what a flat lands, semi-tropical canine should wear in the mountains this time of year. A waterfall close to where I’m going, is shown at the left. You folks who live in or are visiting the area be sure to come see us “a spell.”
Tags: Books, dogs, Humor, life, nature, publishing, Reading, wildlife, Writing
This is a special pic for one of my human bloggin’ friends. Yes, JM, there is a Santa and a Sawfish.
I loved your Narwhale post, Accidental Stepmom! Here is the answer to your question. My human says that when he was young (wheels were square and made of stone then) these critters weren’t that rare. He almost stepped on one that was eight feet give or take a foot. This is what can be called a pants soiling experience.
visit the Geezer’s blog at http://www.dlhavlin.wordpress.com
and his website at http://www.dlhavlin.com
Tags: Books, Congress, dogs, Humor, life, Media, Politics, publishing, Reading, Writing
The Geezer and I were watching TV this morning. As usual, the Geezer was tuned to the news in the off chance that someone in government…or in major corporations… or even within the media, did something to give us a little faith things would be alright.
The first three items covered were:
- High-ranking bank officials were reengaging in the same lending practices (making housing loans to those who couldn’t afford it) that destroyed the country’s economy. You know, those folks that are “too big to fail.” Humans don’t seem to understand that when you reward bad behavior with a bailout or something similar it encourages more of the same. Every mommy dog I know has better sense than to let her pups get away with manure like that.
- Those paragons of virtue, Congress and the President, quietly gutted the insider trader law that was passed a year ago (before the election). You know, the one that kept them from benefiting from having government information that would effect future fortunes of a stock. Remember, the one our President said, “Was overdue” and that, “Congress should be playing by the same rules as any other citizen.” Well, we have bipartisanship at last – Both parties passed and the President signed the bill that effectively repealed the law. They sneaked it through quietly, notice that?
- The Geezer changed channels trying to lessen his depression. A media type was explaining why it was fine to allow government officials to eavesdrop on innocent private citizens email without the protection the constitution provides, while it wasn’t okay for law enforcement to continue to question a guilty terrorist to protect the rest of us. And they say dogs are dumb. We are consistent…we always bark at the postman.
The Geezer sadly shook his head, turned off the TV, and turned on the stereo. He mumbled, “I’d say the country is going to the dogs, but I know they’d do a better job running it than the idiots of BOTH parties who run it today.” I agree him…that’s true.
I remembered a bit of wisdom from one of the Geezer’s own books and I repeated it to him.
“It’s no coincidence that big-shot and big-shit are almost spelled the same.”