December 30 – New Years Resolutions? Or is that Delusions

      “The weather is great this morning Geezer.”  The last week in Southwest Florida has been perfect if you like the low 80’s, gentle breezes, and bright sunny days.  We sat on the dock watching a pair to Osprey hover around their nest, the female spending most of her time perched on her eggs.  “It would be nice if it stayed this way all year,” I added.
       “I don’t know, Sandy.  I think it would get boring after a while.”  The Geezer rubbed his mustache and grinned at me.  “You’ve see warm, warmer, and hot, but never cold.  Maybe I should add that to my list of New Year’s Resolutions….Get Sandy into some cold winter weather.”
       “What’s a New Years Resolution, Geezer?”  That was something I hadn’t heard about before.
       The Geezer laughed.  “New Years’ Resolutions are what we humans do to delude our conscience into believing we will make changes in our lives we have no intention of completing.”  He hesitated, blinked his eyes, and got one of those ‘I’d better come clean’ looks on his mug.  “That’s overstating a little, Sandy.  There are a few of us that really will follow through and keep them.”
       “Let me be sure I understand, Geezer.  People realize there’s something they need to do, they say they’re going to do it, but really know they’re not?”  That really sounded stupid, but then we are talking about humans here.  I couldn’t help mumbling under my breath, “Dumb.”
       “You’re right, Sandy.”
       “Are you making any New Years Resolutions?” I asked.  “Of course, I KNOW you’ll keep yours.”  I can’t help it…I was born with a sarcastic tongue.
       The Geezer leaned forward and watched one of the Ospreys leave the nest.  He remarked, “Look, Sandy, Mama Ospreys going to find breakfast.”
       He should know I’m not that easy to distract.  “No, no, no, Geezer.  You’re not getting off that easy.”  I rose up on all fours and stared into his eyes.  “Are…you…making…any…resolutions?”
       The old boy gave me a guilty glance mixed with embarrassment.  “Okay, you got me.  I’ll tell you what resolutions I should make.  Want to hear them?”
       He shook his head and sighed before he began.  After he’d put off starting as long as he could he said, “To lose weight.”
       “That’s a good one.”  The Geezer’s shape was approaching that of one of the blimps televising the football bowl games.  Though filled with gas, he certainly wasn’t lighter than air.
       “Do a better job of anger management.”  His guilt glance made me laugh.
       “Go on,” I said.
       “Watch less TV and don’t get so upset by the idiots on the tube.”  The guilt remained.
       “I can see what you mean about delusions.  Geezer, since we’re talking fantasy here, why don’t you make up some wacky resolutions for some famous people?  That would be interesting.”  The smile on the Geezer’s face swished away his anguished features.  I really think the old boy should reimburse me for psychological services.  Sirloin steak would do nicely. 
       The Geezer thought for a few seconds.  “Hmmm.  I’d start with having that Illinois Governor resolve to enroll in a criminology course on wiretapping.”
       “Good one Geezer!”  I knew that would juice him up.
       “How about having Jerry Jones resolve to make Terrell Owens the Dallas headcoach and install Jessica Simpson as the new starting center for the Cowboys?”
       I laughed, “Well, they wouldn’t be much worse than they were against the Eagles.”
       “Romo would be happy.”  The Geezer’s eyes lighted up.  “I have a good one; have John McCain resolve to suspend his campaign to coach the Cardinals in their first playoff game.”
       “Hey, the election is over!  Besides, does he know anything about football?”
       “So are the Cardinals chances of winning the playoff.  And, McCain can’t know less about coaching football than he did about running his campaign.  That gets me thinking.  How about having Bill O’Reilly resolve to not mention his Harvard education on TV for one year?  Or having Paris Hilton resolve to install cameras in her bathroom so everything she does can be covered by the press.  Maybe we could get a resolution from Ann Coulter and Barbara Pelosi to resolve their differences in one of those steel cage wrestling matches.  The loser would resolve to have their vocal cords removed.  I bet Tiger Woods could be convinced to resolve to never drive another Buick.  Or we could get Michael Moore to resolve to make a movie on the humanistic side of Josef Stalin?  Why not have Paulson resolve to stand on the Mexican border and give bailout checks to the illegals as they cross.  Or get Kieth Obermann to resolve to get a brain transplant?  How about having the people that give out the movie Oscars resolve to select the best performances instead of passing out the statues to those who have an agenda with which they agree.”
      “Now you are truly talking delusions.  They have to make that kind of movie first.”

8 thoughts on “December 30 – New Years Resolutions? Or is that Delusions

  1. Ok, the bit about McCain and Paris Hilton made sense but the rest flew overhead I’m afraid. Sorry but I don’t much about American television apart from sitcoms.

    My new year resolution is to keep this blog alive. I really hope I manage. I want to. Did you make any?

  2. “New Years’ Resolutions are what we humans do to delude our conscience into believing we will make changes in our lives we have no intention of completing.”

    Great one … 🙂
    Liked the conversation between Geezer and Sandy…

  3. grins … it’s true Sandy … we humans make the resolutions, (because otherwise we wouldn’t get started on something we think we want/need to do but probably won’t), as time goes by we drop/forget the “goal” and then it’s the next year and we feel guilty about not following through the year before so we m-a-k-e the resolution again but this time we add that we will not forget this time … ::blick
    <<< gives Sandy a yummy hot dog .. ketchup?

  4. I hate the word “resolutions”. It sounds so formal. I’d much rather have a plan! So my New Year’s blog is about my PLAN for 2009! Hey, plans can always change, right?

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