As we walked down to the dock this morning, the Geezer looked at a Hibiscus bush and said, “Sandy, remind me to put ‘Trim Hibiscus bush’ on my to do list.” I looked skyward and rolled my eyes. The Geezer’s to do list was where work went to die.
I saw him frown when we stepped down on the pier’s planking. “Sandy, tell me to add ‘Clean Pelican crap from the dock’ to my to do list.” I bit my tongue. The old boy was on one of his single track railroads.
“The weather guesser must be wrong, Geezer. It looks like it’s going to be a great day.” A change of subject was in order.
Geezer rotated his head toward the Northwest in one of those grinding uneven arthritic movements he makes in the mornings. He sniffed the breeze like he might actually be able to smell something. Sorry, but human noses aren’t worth much – for smelling that is. I guess they provide a place for glasses to perch on and help identify you. Let’s face it, when God was giving out olfactory senses your species wasn’t even in line!
After a thorough review of the horizon, a rev up of Geezer’s meteorlogical computer storage bank, and a few unnecessary “Ummms” and “Hummms” the old boy’s mental machinery clanked to a conclusion, “No Sandy, I think she’s right. It’s gonna rain and turn cool.” He launched into an explanation of cloud types, switching wind directions, and pains in his hip, all of which were designed to impress me with his scientific reasoning. A coin flip would have been more reassuring. At least, I’d been successful in getting his mind away from the do to list.
The Geezer droned on proudly, offering me his meteorlogical wisdom, until he finished by saying, “Damn weather sure plays havoc with untreated wood. Sandy, I need to rebuild my fish cleaning stand. Remind me to put that on my to do list.”
So much for the impossible dream. I’d failed miserably. After laying down, I whined and covered my ears with my paws. It’s a habit I have when I show displeasure. I guess I’ve been hanging out with humans too much.
The Geezer looked at me quizzically. “What’s eating you?”
“Come on Geezer, you know you’re not going to do anything you put on that to do list. You ought to call it your, ‘lies that make me feel better list.’ How often do you work on any of that stuff?”
“Be fair, Sandy.” Guilt hid right behind his “I’m hurt” mask.
“Okay. Did you pick up the coconuts laying in the yard or wash the truck? Those were two entries from yesterday.” He asked for it and I’m just the dog to give it to him.
“How ’bout, staking up the tomato plants or finishing taking down the Christmas decorations? Hummmmm?”
“You made your point. I guess I forget to check it. Got any suggestions?” The Geezer figured I’d give up easily, but I was on too good of a roll.
After a few seconds to come up with the right wording, I said, “Here’s what you do, Geezer. You buy an electrical genital cup, fit it with a wireless device and a timer, set it so it turns on periodically, and put the turn off button on the to do list. That way you’ll have to check it regularly or you’ll lose those things.” I smiled smugly.
The Geezer nodded, looked serious, and said, “Not a bad idea with a change or two.”
“Change? Change? Change!? Why would you need to change it?” I was so sure I’d ‘gotten him’ I was shocked by his response.
He grinned. “I need to select another part of my body to receive the electrical shock. At my age, I should pick something I use more frequently and value more.”