February 23 – Is there a lawyer in the house?


       It was chilly on the dock this morning.  That was partly because another impulse of cold air brushed across Southwest Florida and partly because we left the nice warm house earlier than usual.  The winds were brisk and penetrated my coat enough that I shivered.  There’s the possibility I could catch a cold or develop pneumonia.  I blame the whole thing on the Geezer’s failure to keep one of his New Year’s resolutions and Fox & Friends.  I’m seriously considering contacting one of those shyster lawyers that advertise on TV and suing both of them.
       The Geezer is gradually watching more TV news programs and he’s breaking his resolution not to get mad as he watches.  This morning he started shouting at the screen as the three smiling faces on the couch reported news about octoplets, Oscars, Obama’s bank bailout, etc.  At times, Geezer is like a run away steam engine.  Once his boiler gets lighted any kind of fuel pushes his pistons faster.  I expect the old boy will explode one of these days.  There’ll be pieces of steel plate, iron parts, and hot water spewed over five counties.  To avoid self-destruction this morning, he clicked off  TV and cooled down in the early morning winds. 
       Obviously, by breaking his promise not to watch and become angry at news programs like Fox & Friends, he knew or should have known, his resultant actions did or could cause damage to those in association and/or contact with him on or about the times that he participates in said activities.  In other words, if I get sick I’m going to screw the old boy.
       But the real culprit is Fox.  They did it!  They knew it!  Or should have!  Broadcasting news that was sure to inflame the Geezer and people like him was a blatant act of irresponsibility.  How dare they upset poor unsuspecting people like the Geezer!  After introducing him and those in his class to the addictive personalities they feature, they have conspired to falsely imprison his/their judgement.  In utter disregard for their implied contract with their viewers, they must have known they’re forcing the Geezer and poor unfortunates like him to make rash and irrational actions creating damages to him and to those entities who have dependencies there upon.  This is clearly evidenced by the act of subjecting me to cruel and unusual temperature conditions.  Besides, I’m sure old Rupert Murdock has deep pockets!
       The settlement I’ll require is $121,470,378.00.  I’ve dropped the small change.  I’ve fairly and carefully assessed my damages.  This figure has been constructed by adding the costs of my potential vet bill $168, medicine $88, time at the hospital, $270.50, mental trauma $15,000,000, and $15,367,068 for loss of potential income for the potential degradation of my barking voice for potential watch-dog positions and potential recording opportunities.  This totals $30,367,594.50.  The treble punitive damages comprise the rest of the settlement.  In light of recent suits like the 8 mill awarded to a smoker that was too stupid to quit and the 32 mill a bunch of illegals sued a rancher for who was holding them for arrest, I think the escalation is appropriate.
       I have the phone numbers of some local legal eagles who seem sleezy enough to handle such a case.  But, I’m going to take a shot at trying to corrupt a lawyer I have lots in common with.  Megyn Kelly!  She’s sure to have insider information about Fox.  Maybe knows who’s sleeping with who.  We both are blonds, are beautiful, have piercing eyes, sharp tongues, and don’t take s–t from anyone.  A 50% split just might do it, though my Wall Street pals tell me $60,000,000 is tough to get by on. 
       I can honestly appeal to a lawyer on the basis that the courts should favor the suit.  The courts’ heirarchy seem to be ready to embrace minority causes.  Goodness, even the Attorney General is calling us a country of racial cowards.  Isn’t that a positive statement full of hope for Americans?  Certainly Golden Retrievers qualify as a minority. 
       If any of you know a lawyer who will take the case or Megyn Kelly’s contact info, I’d be interested.  That’s as soon as I can leave my paws in cold water long enough to get sick.  Oh, and if you have a yacht brokers telephone number….

6 thoughts on “February 23 – Is there a lawyer in the house?

  1. Gavin and Patty say, “We never let Mom watch the news. She’s quit hollering at the TV since we began this no news campaign. When you win your lawsuit don’t forget us peons.”

  2. Dear Ms. Sandy,
    I completely support your arguments in favor of suing Fox’s collective ass, and would like to ask a request. While you’re making a case for dog-kind everywhere, I would like you to consider including my cats in your lawsuit. My cats need to suffer my mother’s shrill tones as she watches any news on Fox, and their ears are quite sensitive to such tones. One of my cats has gone so far as to suffer trauma from this recurring event that causes him to spend hours at a time under the blankets hiding from the noise. He loses a lot of oxygen this way and may develop breathing problems if this continues.
    Please consider the added support to your cause,
    Yours sincerely,
    A fan

  3. And where should readers contribute to the legal fund?

    I’m not certain when news reporting became less about facts and more about manipulation and cheerleading for disaster, but I’m with you Sandy–the news stations are all pretty useless. Tell the Geezer to take a deep breath and watch the History Channel instead. It’s much better for his blood pressure.

  4. Well, Sandy this world we live in is what it is and we have to do the best we can with what we got going. So, good luck with your venture and stay happy along your travels. Stress is not a good thing to carry around with you! *)*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s