Well, old 2009 will be leaving us soon. My canine friends and I consider it an alright year. No new houses were erected on the street so our romping areas remained in tact. Bones still taste the same. The Chinese didn’t put bad stuff in our food this year. The politicians haven’t passed a dog turd or farting tax — yet. Rabies is down, neighborhood dog population is up. All is right with the canine world or at least its nuetral.
My human is glad to see old 2009 leave. The Geezer said, “It started bad, but everyone hoped for lemonade. All they got were lemons.” He looked wise and said, “Promptly at midnight I’m going to the toilet and flush it. Hopefully, anything hanging around from 2009 will head down the drain.”
Since 2009 wasn’t the best for my human friends and just so-so for my canine buddies I decided to make some wishes for 2010.
For Manny the chihuahua – Longer legs or more shorter women in the ‘hood.
For Mrs. Zoomers – Shades that automatically go down on her windows when she undresses.
For Gertrude the dachshund – Longer legs or less steps to climb and a bell on Manny’s collar to warn her when he’s coming.
For the man who lives next door – A beer truck of his very own.
For Giselle the greyhound – A rabbit that’s runs slow enough for her to catch.
For Mrs. Gator – A TV remote that only works for her.
For Heintz the mongrel – For the pizza delivery boy’s pepper spray can to always be empty when he delivers.
For the Geezer’s friend Harry – That the next woman he marry’s divorce lawyer to be incompetent.
For Barbie and Lucy our twin cocker spaniels – Matching boyfriends to match their matching food dishes, their matching rhinestone collars, and their matching neurosis.
For Sparkles human – A really big one! I’m not sure what the big one she’s looking for is, but I sure hope she get’s it so she stops talking about it.
For Sparkles the Irish setter – A bottle of whiskey, alka-seltzer, and a gag for her human.
For Melissa Mrs. Gator’s friend – To be sure to read the labels on restroom doors before she enters
For Fifi the poodle – A groomer with less of a warped sense of humor.
For Dick the post man – A rear view mirror that doesn’t black out the mail boxes.
For Sarge the German Shepherd – For his human to leave him with us for a weekend. WOOF! WOOF!
For the Geezer – Either a TV that only broadcasts good news or less things to throw at it.
For all dogs – Loving humans for them to own, lots of roadkill, a bones stimulus-bailout program, and flea eradication.
For all humans – Smooth seas if you sail, clear skies if you fly, level roads if you walk, and honest politicians if you vote. I at least had to put in one impossibility.
To all HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!