January 29 – When a dog isn’t a dog


I’m Back!!

     Gosh, I didn’t think there would be so many of you that missed my little stories and would take the time to let me know.  I’ve resolved to begin blogging again and keep it up on a regular basis…if the Geezer doesn’t hog the keyboard too much.
     Speaking of hogging, there’s a new pet in the neighborhood.  She’s a pot-bellied pig.  I’m not sure why they call her that because I’ve never seen a pig that didn’t have a pretty good sag in her undercarriage.  Her name  is Hermione.   She tells me she’s named after a Harry Potter character.   I don’t see the connection unless it’s the “pot” in Potter, but then you never know with humans.  Their minds work in strange ways.   
     Hermione’s human walks her on a leash, just like she was a canine.  In fact, the first time I saw her it was a from a great distance and I thought she might be an English bulldog mix of some sort.  The legs and body were right, but the head was all wrong.  I happened to be walking with Lucy, the cocker spaniel who lives two doors down, and, who is the ‘hood social director and snob.  When I asked if she knew who the new dog was, she quickly informed me, “That thing is definitely NOT one of us!”
     “Oh?  Who is it?”  I asked.
     “It’s a what!  That, Sandy, is a pig!  A filthy, loathsome creature!  What IS the neighborhood coming to?”  Lucy was clearly incensed.  In Lucy’s case, that doesn’t take much.  She once threatened to call the police on Heinz, our ‘hood mixed breed, for indecent exposure when he appeared in public wearing a thin, racy collar.   Lucy screamed, “We’ll have none of those thongs worn in our neighborhood!” 
     Hermione seems like a good sort to me, though she speaks dogganese with a heavy Jersey accent.  She likes table scraps, unrestrained rolls in the grass, and laughs at the stupidity the humans we own exhibit.  We have a lot in common.
     Lucy still refuses to speak to the newcomer.  She’s narrow-minded.  I guess that’s an understatement.  Her mind is so narrow it can slide under a door with weather-stripping attached.  Anybody who doesn’t look like she does, sets her off.
     Talking about looking alike, have you ever heard that pets pick humans to own that look like them?  Hermione certainly did.  She selected a human that has a rather flattened nose, a round face, squinty eyes, and is…shall we say…rotund?  When Hermione and her human walk down the street, they take up more space than the school bus that makes a twice a day trek down its pavement.  Walking behind them, one wonders if there should be feathers attacked to their tails.  There’s enough waddling going on to make a dog seasick.  I think it’s rather quaint; Lucy thinks it’s revolting.  Lets face it, Lucy is prejudiced.
     Such things as fur color, blood lines, where a dog visits on their sabbath, and what their political philosophy is doesn’t bother me.  Well, I’d be less than truthful if I didn’t admit I don’t like someone trying to cram their ideas down my throat.  I look at my canine brethren as equals.  Well, unless they do something illegal…or they’re from New York City…or Slimywood, that’s what we neighborhood canines call Hollywood.  I mean, a dog has to have some standards.

3 thoughts on “January 29 – When a dog isn’t a dog

  1. Very witty and funny post. In the neighborhood where I work, a family owns a pet monkey. A MONKEY! They take him out and play on the front porch as a family. It’s disturbing. Your post rang true! Great job. -Caitlin

  2. Hi Sandy, I liked your comments about Hermione. I’m a Jersey girl, too, although that was many years ago. Secaucus used to have pig farms, and we would roll the windows up as we passed through. Things are probably different now. Glad you’re back.

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