Wow, I sure missed it. No Super Bowl party at the Geezer’s house this year. True, I’m only a moderate fan of professional football, the college game lifts my tail higher, but missing all the traditions that have gone with past Super Bowl days, left me with a hollow feeling inside.
Ah, Super Bowl party – How do I miss thee? Let me count the ways!
1. I miss all the folding chairs the Geezer and his missus put up in the living room. They provide a major league obstacle course when I chase the cats.
2. The Geezer always fixes his special recipe barbecue for the Bowl party, and each time he does that, I get the bones from the beef and pork roasts he uses to make it. This year I got deboned.
3. I missed Matilda, one of Mrs. Gator’s friends, who always complains that it’s too warm if the temperature outside is over 74 degrees, or complains that it’s too cold if the temperature outside is under 74 degrees, or complains that it’s too boring if the temperature outside is right on 74 degrees. I don’t know what that has to do with the ball game, or the cost of girdles at Macy’s, or the likelihood that Tim Geithner can count to twenty without his shoes off, but she does it anyway.
4. I missed Uncle Seth, who is an elderly gentleman, whose hands shake a bit, that tend to sprinkle the floor with snacks, that allow me to entertain those bored with the game by impersonating a vacuum cleaner.
5. I missed the arguments between two neighbors I’ll call Frick and Frack. They give their expert opinion on the previous play, what should have been done, etc., etc., etc. It’s funnier than a rerun of an old Abbot and Costello film. Frick thinks a safety invert is a player with a nipple problem and Frack thinks that kicking out the end has to do with sticking a shoe up someones butt.
6. I missed Matilda complaining about the half-time show. Well, I’d have to give her a pass on this year’s extravaganza. Where are the Grateful Dead when you need them?
7. I missed the Geezer’s annual inspirational collection of keys from select guests, followed quickly by each contributor’s salute to “Ralph” as one by one they wander off to the restroom to spend time in meditation and call his name.
8. I missed all the ladies leaving the room midway through the 3rd quarter to discuss… anything but football.
9. I missed the Geezer’s friend, Mac, trying to induce me to drink a bowl of Budweiser. I always act like I don’t know how to lap it up and he always demonstrates. It provides some levity for the folks whose team is behind.
10. I miss the Geezer opening everyone’s envelope with the prediction of who’d win the game and what the score would be. He usually wins. It’s not because he’s that good; it’s more like the rest of them are that bad. Last year one man predicted the team that would win. Brooklyn wasn’t even playing in the game. Or the league. Or the sport.
11. I miss the sighs of relief from Mrs. Gator when the last guest leaves.
12. Most of all I miss all the wonderful left-overs! It’s better than a trip to the Shiesskopf butcher shop. Onion dip, pretzels, halves of barbecue sandwiches, potato chips, the list never ends!
Oh well, there’s always next year.