September 13 – Read the label


     It’s been difficult to get on the computer recently.  First, the Geezer is finishing a book and has developed roots that pass through his office chair and are burrowing into the floor underneath.  Second, I’ve been trying to figure out how to continue to use wordpress without going crazy.  I’ve been less successful with the second than the first.
     The only reason I’m able to get a paw on the keyboard today is the fact that the Geezer is not color blind and is practicing for a part on the Lawrence Welk Show.  Let me explain after I teach a brief class in archeology for my younger readers.  Frame of reference is important, so bear with me. 
     Back in olden times, somewhere between Shakespeare’s Macbeth and J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter, there was this dude named Lawrence Welk.  Welk was a band leader.   Most of you wouldn’t recognize the humans Welk had standing behind their little mini-podiums as musicians.  First, none had hair down to their shoulders, all looked liked they’d bathed in the last month, and you couldn’t see light between their nostrils.  There were instruments like trumpets, trombones, saxophones, and clarinets being played and not even one guitar!  The little podiums are where they placed sheet music (they could read it), but I think it was a cover for their real purpose; to hide behind if the audience threw things. 
     The things they recorded music on were called 33 1/3 albums.  You could use them to serve pizza if you didn’t like the songs.  The songs were difficult to understand because the words frequently exceeded four letters.  None of the singers screamed.  Really strange stuff.    
     Old Lawrence was ahead of his time, though.  He was hard to understand when he talked, had his own trademark sayings like, “Wunnerful a wunnerful,” and “Dat vus Vob Ledo.”  And, he had a fetish.  His happened to be champagne.  He said he played champagne music (music to hick-up by?), had a champagne lady (though she didn’t look like she was pickled), he even imitated a champagne bottle blowing its cork.  And bubbles; he was into bubbles big time!  He even had a bubble machine.  Since you all now understand about Lawrence Welk, I can get into the Geezer’s story.
     The Geezer gives me a hard time because I nibble a bit on everything before I eat it.  Sometimes, I don’t like what goes into my mouth.  Jalapeno – yuk.  Rhubarb – yuk!  Dill Pickles – double yuk!!  When I get a bad sample the Geezer is fond of saying, “Sandy, always read the label first.”
     Today, Geezer got up late.  He watched Monday night football last night and was still bleary-eyed and walking in a fog, long after Mrs G was up, cleaning house, making breakfast, etc.  She just finished cleaning the bathroom when he stumbled in.  I watched him shave.  I guess that’s what it was.  There weren’t any representatives from the blood-mobile around so he couldn’t have been donating.  He takes his bath after our walk and he lifts weights so the only other part of his first level morning clean up is brushing his fangs.
     He fished out the toothpaste, slapped some on his brush, and scrubbed away.  As the electric whirled and twirled his eyes closed to slits.  The old boy was still on auto-pilot.  And then I had one of those moments we canines live for.  As he reached for the mouthwash, I said, “Geezer, always read the label first.”  As usual, he ignored me.
     Ahhhhhhhh, it was a sight to behold.  I yelled, “Turn on the bubble machine.”  Have you ever notice how much Scope Mouthwash looks like Dawn Dish Detergent?  Old Lawrence would have been proud of the Geezer—bubble, bubble, spit and trouble bubble.

PS–  If you haven’t checked out the Gator calling video on my previous post do so.  It’s cool.

www.dlhavlin-author.com

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7 thoughts on “September 13 – Read the label

  1. I hesitate to say that I remember watching good old Lawrence Welk on the black and white screen. I liked his music then, and it can still bring a smile to my face. And I still have 78s, not just 33s. I own a Victrola. Don’t tell anybody.

    But I was very young when I watched Lawrence Welk… *shuffles feet and eyes the ceiling*

    Hope you don’t keep Lysol in your bathroom, too. 🙂

  2. Sandy, you can’t be old enough to remember Lawrence Welk! At my gym they have mouthwash and handsoap next to each other. They’re the same color, too. But I figure if I goof, it’s OK to wash my hands with mouthwash.

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