Birthdays. They’re a big thing as far as humans are concerned. Don’t believe me? If you’re a husband, forget your wife’s birthday and you’ll wish that house you built for your canine buddy was much larger because that’s where you’re sure to be spending some time. The reverse is true, though males are usually distracted by other human trivia and are more likely not to notice. Sadly, human males seem even less endowed with intellectual capabilities than the females…maybe that’s why they are less capable of remembering. Anyway, as human’s are prone to do, human’s assume we canines share their obsessions. Of course, we don’t, but we do not mind profiting from them. My human assures me this is the case with birthdays.
He says my birthday party to be is just such an occasion. The Geezer announced, “Sandy you’re going to have your first birthday party!” I guess my lack of a joyful, enthusiastic response wasn’t what he expected. He looked disappointed, so I wagged my tail a few cursory times to acknowledge his pronouncement. I also managed a “Gee, thanks.” He looked relieved – not as much as he does when he sneaks taking a leak behind the bushes on one of our walks, but relieved just the same.
The old boy insists the party will be a great time. He tells me most of the neighborhood Canine Chowder and Marching Society will attend. If that’s true, I’d have to agree…the occasion will be a real pisser. The Geezer was secretive about where we’d go and what we’d do. He did say there’d be plenty of treats and something good to eat. Like I said, I don’t mind taking that profit.
But really, what is this preoccupation that human’s have with birthdays? A universal human trait is they hate, despise, and fear getting old… Why, they dye their hair, have surgery, smear their faces with more chemicals than you’d find in a DuPont warehouse and, of course, they lie about their age. Yet, when the anniversary of being expelled from their mother comes around they have to celebrate! I can understand why the mother would party to commemorate her day of emancipation from carrying around the cumbersome weight and getting the pain over with, but the “bornee” doesn’t even remember the experience like the “borner” does. I know I don’t remember any part of those first days.
I’ve examined what reasons humans would have, to make them react in such a manner. I asked myself a couple of questions- Does some magic happen to humans on that day? Does a change to their physical beings occur?
I’ve observed the four birthdays my two humans have experienced during my time with them. A sample of eight isn’t a statistically significant size, but when nothing happens…well, you figure it out. Walla – it’s their birthday. No fairy appears to make them smarter, thinner, delivers a pot of gold, makes them less gray or bald. There goes the magic thing.
As far as anything spectacular happening to them physically or mentally… sorry, from what I’ve observed they’re exactly the same as they were the night before their birthday and wake up in the same exact condition the day following. Well, in one case Mrs. G had oysters at a party the night before her last birthday. She woke up “green” the next morning and lost weight during the day. Poor gal had a hard time determining what end to place over the toilet first. The Geezer explained that the oysters were old and had “spoiled.” That’s just another example of human inferiority. Three-day-old road kill is no problem for our canine digestive systems, just one more example of canine superiority.
That leaves me to conclude that humans use birthdays as a reason to party because they have no other excuse. Since I’m to experience this phenomena in a few days, I’ll let you know if that is a sufficient reason for the over-reaction humans have to a simple biological reality.