Sitting on the couch and contemplating life is one of those things I do when there is absolutely, positively nothing else to do. Since canines live orderly, logical lives, I generally spend little time evaluating our doggie development. When I want something complex to ponder, I turn my attention to the human species. Posing a question and formulating an answer is my favorite way of analyzing their progress, or more accurately stated, lack of. Here are a few questions I’ve postulated and answers I’ve formulated.
Question: Why do humans invent machines to save them physical effort only to invent machines that require physical effort? They invented automobiles, dish washers, electric toothbrushes, self-propelled riding lawn mowers, etc., etc., etc. so they don’t have to sweat and strain. Then, in the time they save and with the effort they avoid by using these machines, they invent other machines like exercise bikes, weight sets, treadmills, etc., etc., etc. so they can sweat and strain. Makes sense to them, but none to we canines. I asked my human, the Geezer about this phenomenon, and his answer…”We humans start to gain weight because we eat too much and don’t get enough exercise to keep the weight off.” I didn’t have the heart to point out the obvious solution, “Eat less.” Human’s don’t have a sense of cause and effect.
Question: Why do humans buy something then never use or eat it because they’re afraid they’ll damage or consume the item? One of my human’s friend’s car is a good example. He seldom drives it, waxes it until I’m sure the paint will come off and screams if his wife requests the keys. The Geezer says it’s because the man has a lot of money invested in the darned thing. He said his friend had an older car he “clunked” around in. I asked, “Gee Geezer, why spend lots of money on something you aren’t going to use much and just a little on something you’re going to use all the time?” He got that blank look humans get when they do something they have no explanation for. He mumbled, “You wouldn’t understand.” That’s their answer when they have absolutely no earthly idea how to answer a question.
One more — Question: Why do humans insist people not lie to them on little things and let people tell whoppers when something important is the topic? The other day I took a paper napkin off the coffee table and started to chew on it. It was a used napkin that would be thrown out anyway. About the time I was deciding how to dispose of the darned thing, the Geezer surprised me, asking, “Sandy, do you have something in your mouth?”
“Nawww,” I answered, “nudthins ‘n maa moousth.” I thought about swallowing the darned thing, but knew it would come back up later.
“Don’t lie to me, girl!” He was visibly upset.
That seemed very unfair. He’d just delivered a sermon about how the press and politicians were lying about the killing of an ambassador, but didn’t seem half as mad. When I asked him why he was more upset with me than with those clowns on TV he said,”I expect them to lie. They do it all the time.”