Archives

No play Days…Uncool!

What the Geezer does that creates “No play days.” Here he’s at King’s Gate CC speaking to 50 members about WWII

Life is usually fun and games in the Geezer’s, Mrs. G’s…and my house. My human’s like me to hang with them. Normally, I can interest them in a game of tug, fetch, or can solicit an ear scratching session. However, on rare occasions I get stone-walled. The usual welcome disappears and is replaced by a total lack of response. Why is that? I’ve made no bathroom accidents inside. It’s been months since I learned removing items off the coffee table is a no-no. I’ve given up sneaking Mrs. G’s undies from the dirty clothes hamper as an unneeded painful experience. The chair legs are no longer a chewing temptation…they all taste like wood. So, why am I treated like I have leprosy from time to time. It has taken a while, but I think I’ve figured it out.

The Geezer and I normally enjoy our time together. He makes a great mattress.

No play days, that’s what I call them, are days before two things happen. The first is the day before the Geezer is scheduled to to do one of his speaking engagements. The second is when Mrs. G pays bills.

The Geezer spends most of the day before an appearance, starring at his computer screen and talking to it.

Mrs. G’s reaction to bills. They don’t put her in a good mood.

I’ve tried a number of things to offset their human fixations on less important things and refocus on the most important thing in their life. ME! Blocking the stairs to the Geezer’s office doesn’t work. He steps over me. Putting my paws on his arms and body as he sits at the computer makes him cranky. Licking his face isn’t welcome like it usually is. Taking my favorite ball and putting it in his lap gets no attention at all. Mrs. G moves me if I block the way to her desk. Barking only makes her bark back at me. I tried chewing up the bills but that only got a momentary smile followed by a scolding. The only thing that works is laying in places I’m not supposed to be. They play chase for a couple minutes and it’s back to being ignored!

Blocking the stairs won’t work……..

If I get on the bed…they get me off!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Geezer asked if I was posing for the centerfold. What’s that mean?

 

I hate no play days!

PS — If you’d like to hear the Geezer (DL Havlin) speak on historical events or his books, click on DL Havlin in the right hand column. It’s a link to his webpage. Then go to “calendar” (right under the heading) to find where he’ll be in the future. 

~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

It started with…I got to get out of here!

Someplace away, serene, peaceful and all alone

It all started with a shared scream, “I got to get out of here!” COVID-19 has turned the world’s human population into the same class of sheltering animals as earthworms and moles. The Chinese Crud, the more accurate, but less politically correct title for the plague afflicting the world, keeps humans playing hide-and-seek. The Geezer and Mrs. G had enough of the same four walls. In unison, they announced their attentions. The question was where to go and be safe. My keen canine intellect knew just the place! Amity cabin. It’s the perfect place to travel to and be more isolated than at home. I’ll explain.

The little cabin in the Mississippi woods. It is located on a 40 acre lake in the middle of 400 acres with only the owners home to share it.

The Geezer loves to fish. He has tarpon and snook in the canal behind our Florida home. But, he loves to catch bluegills, crappies, and bass just as much. We visited this fishing and hunting paradise a couple of years ago when we made a pilgrimage to Mrs. G’s birthplace in Laurel. That’s in Jones County Mississippi, the site of the recent Mathew McConaughey movie, “The Free State of Jones.” The whole family fell in love with Amity, but it was I that remembered its beauty and haunting serenity. Mark one up for canine superiority. We drove straight through, 12 hours, to minimize exposure to the virus. Below are some of the pictures of our weeks stay.

What we came for: A bunch of 8 inch bluegill for a tasty supper. They’re loads of fun when caught on a light flyrod and a rubber spider. Caught tons of these we returned to Lake Fredrick.

 

Follow tracks like these…

Tracks like these…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The unspoiled woods that cover the property are a wildlife lover’s nirvana. We saw many deer, turkeys, pond birds, song birds, etc. Quail? Mrs. G whistled up Bob White and I thought we were in an outtake from Hitchcock’s “The Birds.” The track below was made by a big bruiser!

Big ol’ Buck tracks

Mrs. G loves all the flowers. Her particular favorite are the Magnolia blossoms that adorn the numerous waxy olive leaved trees. The one below was the size of a bucket.

OH, MAGNOLIA!

When all is said and done, that’s 800 miles and three woof’s later, there’s no place like home.

Me, back in Florida…with all my things!

 

The Geezer will be out and about in a safe manner this weekend. He’ll be speaking at the Authors for Authors, Writers Conference in Melbourne, Florida this Saturday. Registration is open at 8 AM, at the Hilton Rialto. Hope to see you there…from behind my mask.

 

~~~~~~~

 

 

How Reading Makes Me A Better Bear!

Reading makes me a better bear.

 

Guest post: The Geezer is doing this post for me – Woof, woof!

About four years ago, I’d had enough! Enough of what, you say? Enough of seeing young ‘uns with no interest in reading. I speak to libraries, civic groups, museums, continuing learning groups, and at book stores. After one of my presentations, there are always a few questions posed by audience members and they are often accompanied by young children. My standard question to ‘our future’ is “What is the latest book you’ve read?” The young ones most frequent reaction to the query is to look at me like I’m a Martian.

I’m not a children’s writer. But, if you’re going to criticize, you to be willing to help solve the problem, not add to it. (If any of you know a media person, please quote the last sentence to them.) I wrote “Why Reading Makes Me A Better Bear” for that reason. Its intent is to stimulate young children’s interest in reading. I print them, sell a few at appearances to offset my costs, and give them to schools, libraries, and organizations promoting children’s literacy. So far we’ve given over a 1,000 away. A two page guide at the rear of the book is a guide for adults to work with a young reader to get the most out of the book. (Prepared with the HELP of PhD. in education process.)

Since a lot of us are confined to wherever we call home, I thought this would be a good time to share…….and to hope you’ll share with your friends and family.

  1. Click on the link below  2) Power Point will ask if it can come up on your screen – answer yes  3) At top click on slide show  4) Select from the beginning.

Narated.Why.Reading Makes Me A Better Bear

One page from the book.

Feedback from libraries, etc. has been extremely favorable. If you are a teacher, librarian, or other adult who works with children and want a free copy of the book, go to my web page  http://www.dlhavlin.coom  then click the contact tab and request we ship you one. We’ll ask you for shipping cost ONLY.

 

~~~~~~~

 

 

Cabin Fever!! TV makes it worse.

As close as I’m getting to the out side, A ride in the car

 

I don’t know about you, but I think life inside walls stinks!  My humans are doing the social distancing thing…religiously.

Before the Chinese Crud, taking a bathroom break was not a big deal. I hunt up the most convenient human, (usually Mrs. G – the Geezer is usually chained to the computer), give them a pathetic look, head for the door, wham…open Sesame…we go out for my relief. Not now. Before they exit they get the binoculars, check the road in both directions, wind direction, fan the air to chase away any clouds of virus laden droplets coughed or sneezed by the isolated giant who happened to stomp over the neighborhood. I expect them to fly a barge balloon over the house to discourage low flying aircraft. 

The Geezer and Mrs. G. stay entombed in the house, venturing out only to get groceries. My outdoor time is limited to potty breaks and riding shotgun in the car on my human’s grocery excursions.

Being relegated to life inside the walls means a steady diet of manure servings from the tube. TV is bad enough, but having to endure the steady parade of politicians, bureaucrats, and medical “experts” who are so self-impressed they need lead weights to keep their helium filled big heads from caring them up to the top of the stratosphere, is unbearable. My humans agree on that.

The Geezer has a good idea for raising money to pay for some of the costs. His idea is simple and he calls them potty pals. The picture of the politician you love to hate is placed on a plastic sheet with a ring around it. The ring is the same shape and size as a standard toilet. A star-burst is cut in the center. Place the potty pal in the pooper and shazaammmm…It will make a trip to the toilet more enjoyable. There’s no end to the potential targets. The Geezer’s favorite potty pal would be WHO Director General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus. He calls him Sheisskopf for short.

Watching the endless parade of politicians vomit the same manure hour after hour on podiums is nauseating. The interesting thing is many simple inexpensive things could be done to attack the virus. It seems that anything that does not genuflect to the elitist academic egg heads is branded chafe before its reviewed.

The only redeeming portion of the whole TV spectacle is the recognition the on the front medical personnel are so rightfully receiving. They deserve all the praise they’re getting plus!

Let’s hope this ends soon. If the virus doesn’t wipe out society, TV and the elitist will.

 

WOOF  WOOF

 

Time to become a “Shady Lady”

Waiting for the Geezer IN THE SHADE

July is here! In Florida that means it’s hot, and humid, and hot, and buggy, and HOT! For the Geezer and me that means early morning walks. The sun isn’t at full broil at that time. We’re sure we leave the house just after the mosquitoes and sand flies have finished breakfast. Even at 9 AM the sun is beating down … it doesn’t take much time before I’m in full pant mode.

The Geezer says I become a “shady lady” this time of year. It has nothing to do with a break-down in my impeccable morals. It has to do with the route I choose when we take our walks. The Geezer chooses to walk along the road in a straight line. I, however, am smarter. I go from one patch of shade to the next. Yes, I zig and zag a lot, but I stay cooler! That’s just one more piece of evidence that canine’s are intellectually superior to humans.

Even though it is a hot walk during the summer months, the route we take is so relaxing and beautiful it makes the heat bearable. If there’s any breeze at all, we get it as we walk along the bay front. Bokeelia is an enclave of “old Florida,” a place resisting the encroachment of huge development. We love that. The picture below illustrates what our community is like.

 

Mainstreet – Bokeelia (literally)

One of the structures we pass is indicative of the place and its people. We have our own “Little Free Library.” If you have a book you want to share, you can place it there. If you need something to read, you can pick up a novel or a book on Florida’s history. The Geezer says “readers are thinkers” and that “open minds, open books.” The community, though small, reflects that profile. The lettering on our library’s gable says it all.

 

Our community “Little Free Library” in Bokeelia

 

Our library is representative of Bokeelia’s inhabitants prospective. We like to do it ourselves. We like to work together. We live within our means. We prefer the functional over the grandiose. We find a way to get it done. The picture of our library confirms that.

 

Our library – little but mighty!

 

For all you writers! The Geezer is chairperson for a major writer’s conference to be held in April of 2019 here in SW Florida! You can learn more about it by visiting these sites:

https://southwestfloridawritersconference.godaddysites.com

http://www.abc-artisansofbooks.com

 

#  #  #

Another way to look at our flag.

Happy 4th of July, Everyone!

 

A cool dip on the hot 4th!

Mrs. G getting ready for the parade.

The Geezer took me to an early 4th of July parade. I always ask lots of questions. Watching the parade pass prompted many. Our conversation, part of it, was as follows:

I asked, “Geezer, are fire engines painted red because that’s the color of fire?

The Geezer answered. “No, but I’ve heard two reasons why fire-engines are painted red. One is that early firemen were proud of their trucks and so they painted them the most expensive color available in the late 1800’s. But … The reason I think makes more sense was that most early automobiles were painted black. Firemen in the late 1800’s wanted it to be easy for people to see them coming when they raced to a fire so they painted their trucks red, a color not used on cars back then.

That was good info for my next trivia contest. I decided to ask a question I knew the answer to just to hear the old boy pontificate, “Geezer, why do you humans have fire-engines in a parade, play all that Souza music, and set off fireworks, and wave all those flags, on the 4th of July?”

Geezer grinned and said, “The 4th of July is our country’s birthday so we Americans celebrate it just like we celebrate your birthday on January 18th. But, you knew that, Sandy.”

I complained, “It’s different. My birthday only rates a bluegrass band and the parade consists of Mr. Smith’s pickup and boat trailer.” A band came around the corner, all with flags attached to their hats. “Wow, there are a lot of flags. Why do you humans have flags, anyway?”

Geezer answered, “All people have flags as symbols of their country. We have the stars and stripes, Japan has a rising sun, Canada has a Maple leaf. Those symbols say something about their country.”

“Why do we have the stars and stripes for America?” I asked.

The Geezer thought for a few seconds and then answered, “Sandy, most people will tell you the stars stand for each state we have in our nation and that thirteen stripes stand for the original thirteen colonies that declared their independence. That is true. But …… I’m going to give another reason, one that I believe is as important. I see those stripes as stairs that our country offers to all its citizens, who are willing to do the work to climb them, to reach the stars above.

#  #  #  #  #

For information on the “Possibilities! The Hudson comes to the Peace” writers conference, go to http://www.abc-artisansofbooks.com or https://southwestfloridawritersconference.godaddysites.com .

#  #  #  #  #

 

Sometimes I’m so happy I could just s _ _ t!

“Sometimes I’m so happy I could just s – – t!

I finally was able to get to the computer to write a post! The Geezer has been so busy he’s hogged the keyboard ever since Christmas. The old boy is finishing two books. He’s doing a final edit on one and completing the last chapters on the other.  The months of December through April are Snow Bird season so that means he’s busy on the speaker’s circuit. Most “events” are held during that period because there are up to a third more folks that can attend.

It’s also the season he gets to enjoy seeing his long-lost schoolmates and friends. The old boy really loves that. He’s had three visits in the last four weeks.

You’d think this would give me more, not less, opportunity to blog. Nope. Two things have occurred to keep this from happening. First, because he’s been so busy, he has switched to a lap top and takes it with him. Second, and this one I can’t even complain about, he has been able to take me with him on a lot of events lately. If I complain about that, all the moaning and grousing about being left at home will have been wasted.

My two favorite friends in the neighborhood are away on trips. Manny, the Chichichua is off on a cruise through the Panama canal. It will be a while before he or Sarge comes back. Sarge is my German Shepard friend who is visiting relatives in Colorado for a month of skiing. I can see his humans on skis, but even though Sarge is an athlete that vision is a bit much. That leaves Fifi and Lucy. Fifi is the typical conceded Poodle who knows everything and has done everything better than you and Lucy the Cocker Spaniel owns a mouth that may be the first perpetual motion machine ever invented. It is tough spending time with them. I try, but boredom is better.

Being careful to avoid complaining about all the travelling, I told the Geezer, “Geezer I’m bored. Can’t you find a way to let me get some computer time? I’m tired of doing nothing.”

“Why are you unhappy? Seems to me you have it very good. All you have to do is watch the Osprey’s nest across the street, see the mullet jump in the canal, sleep on your cushions, and ride with me when I go to speak. You like all those things, don’t you?”

“Well, yes.”

The old boy had me boxed in and he knew it. “So, you should be happy, right?”

“Right.”

“Good.”

You know, sometimes I’m so happy I could just s _ _ t!

 

Note: Come see the Geezer and me at Pioneer Park in Englewood, Florida tomorrow. He’ll be there all day.

#  #  #  #  #

Sandy’s Dream of Twelve Golden Days of Christmas!

The Geezer and I wish you all a very “Merry Christmas”

 

On the 1st day of Christmas
My human gave to me
A fuzzy rug on which to play

I’m a reindeer – Did I fool anyone?

On the 2nd day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Two Osprey screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

These birds are my alarm clock EVERY morning

On the 3rd day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Three hats to wear
Two Osprey screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

I’m now known as “Mahatma Sandy”

On the 4th day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Four pounds of cheese
Three hats to wear
Two Osprey screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

What is life without cheese?

On the 5th day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Five kitties meowing
Four pounds of cheese
Three hats to wear
Two Osprey screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

Aren’t they cute? Too bad they grow into arrogant cats.

On the 6th day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Six balls to go a chasing
Five kitties meowing
Four pounds of cheese
Three hats to wear
Two Osprey screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

Shiny balls that will be easy to see no matter how bad my human’s aim is!

On the 7th day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Seven pictures of Rin Tin Tin
Six balls to go a chasing
Five kitties meowing
Four pounds of cheese
Three hats to wear
Two Osprey a screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

What a hunk! Someone to dream about.

On the 8th day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Eight quail a whistling
Seven pictures of Rin Tin Tin
Six balls to go a chasing
Five kitties meowing
Four pounds of cheese
Three hats to wear
Two Osprey a screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

A painting – These type don’t hide in the palmetto bushes.

On the 9th day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Nine sticks of Pupperoni
Eight quail a whistling
Seven pictures of Rin Tin Tin
Six balls to go a chasing
Five kitties meowing
Four pounds of cheese
Three hats to wear
Two Osprey a screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

“Yum-yum Bells, Yum-yum Bells. Yum-yum all the way!

On the 10th day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Ten two pound steaks a sizzling
Nine packages of Pupperoni
Eight quail a whistling
Seven pictures of Rin Tin Tin
Six balls to go a chasing
Five kitties meowing
Four pounds of cheese
Three hats to wear
Two Osprey a screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

Dare I say it? My tongue anticipates heaven!

On the 11th day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Eleven bottles of Dom Perignon Champagne
Ten two pound steaks a sizzling
Nine packages of Pupperoni
Eight quail a whistling
Seven pictures of Rin Tin Tin
Six balls to go a chasing
Five kitties meowing
Four pounds of cheese
Three hats to wear
Two Osprey a screaming
And a fuzzy rug on which to play

Ohhh my …. See dem pink eliepantttss?

On the 12th day of Christmas
My human gave to me
Twelve glasses of Alka-Seltzer a fizzing
No bottles of Dom Perignon Champagne
No steaks a sizzling
No Pupperoni
No quail a whistling
No pictures of Rin Tin Tin
No balls to chase
No kitties meowing
No pounds of cheese
No hats to wear
No Osprey screaming
No fuzzy rug to sleep it all off

“OH, what a relief it is!

 

Merry Christmas and … A Happy Hang-over … Opps! … A Happy New Year.

PLEASE! No noise … no bright light … no making me move … and NO food!

 

#  #  #  #  #

Woof-woof Woof-woof-woof – Translated … Happy Thanksgiving

The holidays are on the way – Happy Thanksgiving, all!

The Holidays are HERE. I hope that the following season is a happy one for each of you.

May your disappointments be few –

May your successes be many –

May your opportunities be plentiful –

May you enjoy good health –

May your football, basketball, and baseball teams win –

May the “calorie sucker” do a good job on all the goodies you’ll eat today –

May we all understand the blessings we have and be thankful –

 

#  #  #

 

A Scary Fairy Tale for Halloween ……

 

Telling a scary Halloween story to my niece!

This is a scary fairy tale I told my nice niece Remi for Halloween.

Once upon a time there was this beautiful, kind, and loving dog. Her name was Large Gold Sandrahood, princess of the country, Hambonia. It was said of Sandrahood that she wouldn’t hurt a flea. Of course, that was easy for her because she lived in a flea-less castle and was protected by a monthly ritual where one of her human vassals removed magic potion from a silver package and with great ceremony offered the magic, mystic material to Sandrahood as an epicurean delight.

Everyone in the castle and all that came to visit loved Large Gold Sandrahood. They performed all shorts of traditional acts to exhibit their affection and loyalty for her like the ten minute ear scratch, the ball toss and bend over, and the offerings of Pupperoni and Milkbone biscuits. Sandrahood lived in an unending world of love. It was hard for her to believe anyone was baahh-hhaad.

Then one day, when all her human servants were away, a strange person came to the door. That person knocked and knocked and knocked. No amount of barking, to tell the stranger her servants weren’t home, did any good. Large Gold Sandrahood finally went to the door and opened it, but left the safety chain in place. She said, “Okay Dude, whatcha want?”

Standing in front of Large Gold Sandrahood was a huge fat figure completely covered by a cloak with a hood on it. The creature’s head was small and so far back in the hood its features weren’t visible. A squeaky voice said, “Hello, Large Gold Sandrahood. I’m your Granny Hoody Hood come to visit.”

“My Granny is dead.” Sandrahood wasn’t buying the Brooklyn Bridge today.

The stranger’s voice dropped four octaves. “Would you believe Grandpa Hoody Hood?”

“Would you believe I’m Nicole Kiddman?” Sandrahood replied.

“Nope.”

“You got your answer.” Large Gold Sandrahood started to close the door.

“No! Don’t do that! Can I interest you in an apple or maybe some Fuller Brushes?”

Sandrahood left the door open a crack. “No … GO … AWAY!”

“Wait! Wait! I’m a great kisser. I often change into a toad … oops I got that one wrong. If you go up on your balcony, and stick out your tail, I’ll climb up and save you.” The caped crock was getting desperate. He changed his approach. From the rusty annals of TV channels a voice from Laugh-In spoke, “Would you like a piece of candy, little girl.” It sounded just like Artie Johnson.

Sandrahood snorted, “You have more lines than Harvey Weinstein.”

“No problem. I can get you a part in a movie.” The creature moved exposing six odd-shaped arms and legs.

Sandrahood was alarmed. She screamed, “What a strange number of arms and legs you have!”

“The better to hang on while I eat you!” The creature threw off the cape exposing its 300 pound blob body beneath. In horror, Large Gold Sandrahood couldn’t tell if the monster was a giant tick, or a giant flea, or Michael Moore! She screamed as the monster grabbed the door and tried to pull it open.

But ……….. Large Gold Sandrahood was part Boyscout – she was prepared. She held two pictures up to the partly open door. The monster took one look at them, shrieked, and fell over … quite dead.

When her humans returned they were so concerned for her and apologized for her endangerment. One asked, “How did you dispatch such an ugly, vile, evil monster?”

Sandrahood smiled. “Easy, I held up these. I knew one or the other would do him in. If Hillary didn’t, Don would.”

#  #  #

This coming Weekend the Geezer (DL Havlin) will be at the Deltona Book Fair with his publisher Taylor & Seale and several of their authors. It will be held Saturday (October 28th) from 9:30 until 4:00. The location is at the Deltona Regional Library, 2150 Eustace Ave., Deltona, FL  32725. He’ll be there most of the day and at the fair sale area 1 to 4.

 

#  #  #  #  #