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Do I hear sleigh bells? Or is it Gobble, Gobble?

I’m thinking the season is coming. No, I don’t have a red nose. I do like turkey!

Okay. I’m rushing it. In my defense, it’s hard not to. The Geezer and I have made several social calls in the last few weeks. As far back as November 3rd, we observed multitudes of colored lights appearing on porches, around windows, on bushes, even circling palms in some of our neighbors’ yards. The Thanksgiving turkey hasn’t met the Guillotine and people already are checking the northern sky for the fat man in the red suit.

With all the stores dressing for Christmas right after the 4th of July, it’s no wonder you humans allow your ‘not always strong’ minds to wander ahead. Aaahhhhh, try to remember all those store owners decorate their home Christmas trees with dollar signs. Get a grip. Remember that holiday that comes before Santa?

It’s THANKSGIVING! …… Not turkey day, diet abstinence day, football forever day, or “oh, no, not Uncle Pete!” day.

In your rush to get to that ultimate season of joy, you humans have a tendency to brush past Thanksgiving like the first Salvation Army kettle you spy outside Walmart’s exit. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of reflection and appreciation for the good fortune that has entered our lives. At least, that was the jest of Lincoln’s reason for creating it as a formal holiday. What has it become to some of us?

Turkey’s dread it! With such an attractive, pleasant, ugly, face. Its hard, easy, to understand its murder.

The compulsory day of gluttony – can heartburn be far behind?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You humans consider it a day to eat enough to increase your waist size so you can justify that new Christmas wardrobe. Green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, steaming baked biscuits, yams, wine, calorie-stuffed desserts, and…of course…turkey! Thanksgiving is a national day of mourning for the bird with the big chest. It’s been raised and hunted by men for that virtue (though some ladies can sympathize with that) since the pilgrims landed. When you think “Thanksgiving,” you have to think, “Fat!” with it.

To many, particularly men, it has become a day to participate in a marathon, a football watching marathon. The tube works overtime as you crush couches and consume untold unneeded calories. The potato chips, dip, little Smokies, and chocolate chip cookies are washed down with floods of Pepsi and Coors. Basketball has competed for a share of the audience. It won’t happen. Watching thin men in shorts works on the conscience more than watching fat men in pads. Humans don’t like to be reminded of their mistakes.

Fascinated by the tube, you human zombies eat snacks like a garbage disposal.

To those of us who reside with you humans, Thanksgiving is leftover appreciation day. Yes, it is a great day for pets. I’m less fussy than either the Geezer or Mrs. G. White meat, dark meat…frankly, I don’t give a damn. (I’ve always had a crush on old Clark Gable).

To the sound of music — “It was anticipation…”

Take your pick–“After the ball is over,” “Happy Days are here again!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To all of you have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING! (And try to remember why we celebrate it!)

 

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The Geezer is on the move…

The audience at one of the Geezer’s presentations

 

DL at the Cultural Center of Charlotte County

The Geezer’s season has arrived. He’ll be busy giving presentations and signing books from now to the spring. He was a speaker at the Cocoa Village Book Fest last Saturday, sandwiched in a public service day Sunday servicing as “Mr. Fix It,” for a charity children’s fishing tournament, did two historical presentations and a luncheon at Southwest Florida College for LifeLong Learning, and will be at the Cultural Center of Charlotte County all this weekend.

No dogs allowed. That means I get stuck “cat-sitting” for Missy. Oh, well………

Mischievous Missy

Visit the Geezer. (DL Havlin) He’ll be at the Cultural Center Friday & Saturday 9 to 3 – That’s at 2800 Aaron Street, Port Charlotte, Florida.

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Woof-woof Woof-woof-woof – Translated … Happy Thanksgiving

The holidays are on the way – Happy Thanksgiving, all!

The Holidays are HERE. I hope that the following season is a happy one for each of you.

May your disappointments be few –

May your successes be many –

May your opportunities be plentiful –

May you enjoy good health –

May your football, basketball, and baseball teams win –

May the “calorie sucker” do a good job on all the goodies you’ll eat today –

May we all understand the blessings we have and be thankful –

 

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Happy Thanksgiving All!

Sandy wishes you all a happy turkey day!

Sandy wishes you all a happy turkey day!

I know. I know. I’ve been behind in my posts. Sorry, I’ll catch up in the next week or two.

So much for excuses, I have a thing or two to tell you. My human has had a short story (500 words) published in a literary magazine. The magazine is Ripen the Page. Check it out!  http://www.thepagereader.com/blog/  The story is titled, “There are no lights in Naples.” I promise it will grab you.

My humans have been busy going to book events – some I could go on and some not so much! Here are a couple pictures.

"DL when is your next book coming out?" - "It's being released this spring, Dan - it's a suspense/mystery called THE BAIT MAN.

“DL, when is your next book coming out?” – “It’s being released this spring, Dan – it’s a suspense/mystery called THE BAIT MAN.” Dan is one of DL’s biggest fans.

 

The Geezer, sorry that's DL, making a historical presentation to a full house at King's Gate Country Club.

The Geezer, sorry that’s DL, making a historical presentation to a full house at King’s Gate Country Club.

And once again – HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!

 

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Fall has fell! … The Geezer’s on the road again.

I hear Willie singing, "On the road again"

I hear Willie singing, “On the road again”

 

Fall is in the air! It’s only 92 degrees today and the humidity is 78%. Well, that’s better than its been. It means the holidays are coming and, best of all, the election will be over! It’s also traveling season for us as the Geezer starts his appearance schedule after his hip replacement.

Dogfucius has some bits of wisdom for the upcoming season.

Advice to does. A horny deer and a horny dear both must be approached with great caution unless one wishes to be horned. Approach a horny deer from downwind for best success when hunting. Approach a horny dear from upwind for nostril relief. (Hunting these is not necessary.)

Do not discuss going to Grandma’s house for Thanksgiving with any of your turkey friends.

Buy stock in insane asylums. The election will be over soon and overcrowding will be a problem.

I suggest humans with white chimneys post the following sign on Christmas Eve: “Santa, this is not our outhouse.”

Men, do not argue with your spouse about who will be the back half of your Halloween costume if you’re going dressed as a horse. You are what you are.

Speaking of horse rumps – My human, the lovable old Geezer, will be signing books at the On Point Book Fair tomorrow. If you’re in the Tampa, Florida area, he’ll be at the Westshore Plaza 10AM until (ugh) 9PM. Look for the sign with DL Havlin printed on it and the Geezer wearing his black Stetson.

 

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Thank goodness it’s over ….. Or is it?

I'm to pooped to pop. All this black whatever shopping is getting exhausting.

I’m too pooped to pop. All this black whatever shopping is getting exhausting.

Shopping is exhausting. My human’s wife is one of those who looks forward to the insanity know as “Black Friday.” In the past she’d get up early, spend the day after Thanksgiving battling competitive shoppers for the specials, get home, put up her feet, and thank the barons of commerce for the crumbs. AND … She’d be thankful that her ordeal by department store was done for another year.

No longer.

Have you seen the ads on TV? There is no day, occasion, incident, or excuse to flimsy to put the word “black” in front of and use as a ploy to try to extract a few more coins from the beleaguered consumer. Even car dealers are going black – some for the whole month. We now have Black Thanksgiving Eve, Blacker Thanksgiving Morning, Kind-a-black Saturday, Black I-net Monday, and Dark-Gray-Turning-Black-Sunday. The magnetic strips are being worn off credit cards, wallets are being worn out, and both shoppers and shop-keepers patience is worn away.

I guess I should be thankful. At least it reduces the number of political ads on TV.

 

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This and that ……….

The Geezer at the Copperfish

The Geezer at the Copperfish

Thank You! Thank You!

A couple of you reminded the Geezer, when he spoke at the Copperfish last night, that I needed my turn at the computer. He’s promised to be more considerate and let me have my paws on the keyboard more frequently.

The Geezer had a most successful trek to the Copperfish. He met lots of folks, both fans and prospective new ones, I’m sure he wowed them with his bullshit, had a great gab session, and (oh, yes) sold and signed a bunch of books.

Another thank you is in order. That’s to the 20,000 plus visitors who have read my blog. Woof, woof. I reached the milestone a few days ago. It’s humbling to this dog and I’ll do my best to continue to make your visits here worth your time.

T’is the season, or at least, it’s close to it. The Geezer will be posting one (or more) of his Christmas Stories on his blog and I’ll be doing the same on this one. Look for them to start right after Thanksgiving.

Finally:    Woof-Arf   Grrr-Arf-Woof.     Translated into Humanese that’s ………………………. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

 

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November 24, Thanks for the sole coming off a shoe???

     Ahhh.  There’s nothing like the smell of Beneful in the morning.  Or Purina.  Or the occasional hot dog, fresh from the microwave.  The Geezer always warms them up for me.  It’s not really needed, but if that strokes his human sensibilities, who am I to deny him.  Beneful.  Oh well, you have to give thanks for what you have.
     It’s Thanksgiving morning; the Geezer, Mrs. G, and Oreo are moving much slower than usual.  I’d say its the holiday, but that usually makes them busier.  Not this year.  They’re going out to visit friends and relatives.  The canine translation – no turkey left-overs, no assorted snacks snuck to me off the table, no potato chips dropped while watching football.  I’ll spend a quiet day at home, catch up on my sleep, and play “chase the cat” and “chase the dog” with Oreo while my humans are out visiting.
     Thanks Giving.  What a concept.  I think we all should do that every day, after all, each day we get up is better than the alternative, right?  However, everybody gets too busy to remember to take the time.  The Geezer told me that’s why some humans called Pilgrims started the festival, though Abe Lincoln was the first to make it a national holiday.  I guess hard times like wars and bad economies make us miss what we don’t have and make us appreciate what we do. 
     I wondered what my little family would take the time to be thankful for, so I decided to ask.
     “Oreo, what are you thankful for today?” I asked my cat half-brother.
     “That’s a no-brainer, Sandy.  I’m thankful that humans remain dumb.  Think about it, all we have to do is look cute and be friendly and…viola!…they feed, house, and pamper us.  I haven’t even chased a mouse since I came here.  I’m a freeloader.  I haven’t the slightest thought of working.  I do nothing.  Nothing.  Sandy girl, I hope humans never wise up.”
     I didn’t have the heart to tell Oreo about the “Occupy” movement and ruin his holiday.
     Mrs. G came by, whistling as she walked.  I asked, “What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving morning?”
     She thought for a few seconds, smiled, and said, “The sole has come off the Geezer’s old Top Siders.”
     “I don’t understand.”
     “That means he’ll finally allow me to throw them out.  That means I won’t have to turn the exhaust fan on when he leaves them in the bathroom, or spray them with air-freshner continually, or give excuses to neighbors when he leaves them on the porch like “There must be a dead animal in the area.”  I won’t have to hold a scarf doused with perfume over my nose when I put them in his closet.”
     “Surely you’re jesting, Mrs. G.  They don’t bother me,” I said.
     “Yes, Sandy, but you like the smell of road-kill.  Think, have you ever seen a roach or even an ant in the Geezer’s closet?”
     I had to agree with that. 
     The Geezer was sitting in his recliner when I sashayed in to see him and asked, “What are you giving thanks for today?”
     “Why I can think of three things quickly.  People like my new book.  I have the perfect wife, dog, and cat.  And…and…and…and…”  He looked embarrassed.  “I kind of forgot the third thing.”  He looked perplexed until an ancient lamp-lighter lit a kerosene lantern in his cranium.  A look of enlightenment on his face, he said, “I remember.  I’m getting new shoes.”  After a few seconds pause, he asked, “What about your Thanksgiving thank you?”
     “Living here with you and Mrs. G is all a grateful canine could ask for.”  Do I know how to play the game or what?  The Geezer sprung out of his recliner like a seventeen year-old, not a seventies senior.  It was triple treat time.
     Actually, I’m thankful for a lot besides my family, though they are my greatest blessing.  I’m thankful for the neighborhood canines in the Chowder and Ham Bone Marching Society, the cooler weather we’re having, and most especially – all of you who come to visit me.  Oh, and that the Geezer can’t find the fake antlers and bells he likes to put on me when we walk this time of year.   They got buried under one of the thorn bushes outside…ho, ho, ho.  Wonder how that happened?

Happy Thanksgiving, all !!!

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www.dlhavlin-author.com

November 30 – A canine Thanksgiving lesson –

     (A note from the Geezer – sometimes fact is stranger than fiction and more gross.)

     Thanksgiving taught a friend of mine a lesson, one that I hope I’ll have the good sense to learn from.  I met Manny, the neighborhood chihuahua, on the Geezer’s and my morning stroll.   He looked glum, and past hello, he didn’t have a thing to say.  Now, that just isn’t Manny!
    When we wandered a few feet away from where the Geezer and Manny’s human were talking, I asked, “Hey, Manny, what’s happening?  You seem down.”
     “I am.  It’s my humans.  They are being so unfair.” 
     I know Annie, his primary human, and I can’t imagine her being unfair to anyone.  “Oh, how’s that?” I asked suspiciously.  Manny has been known to bend the truth.  Well, crumple and stomp on it is closer.
    “They have me on indefinite time out.  I’m exiled from the dining room.  It was all because of football, Thanksgiving, and chairs that weren’t pushed in.  They forgot their own words.  It’s all the humans fault, not mine.”
     That made me more curious.  “What exactly happened?”
     “It all happened so fast, but I’ll tell you the best I can.  I was in the kitchen watching Annie cook.  It smelled so good it had a hypnotic effect on me.  Yes, that’s it.  I hadn’t thought about that.  I was temporarily insane.  Anyway, everybody else was watching TV.  I followed her from kitchen to dining room as she moved one wonderful aroma producing dish after another to the big table that humans gather around.  Finally, she carried this huge plate with a gigantic brown lump on it and put it in the center of the table.  It smelled familiar.” 
     “Really?  Like what?” I asked.
     “Like my supper does sometime.  I have to tell you it made me drool.  Carumba!  It wasn’t fair.  I’ve heard Annie tell her own children not to do what happened next.”
     “Oh?” I prompted.
     “Si.”  Manny mixes in some Spanish when he gets excited or upset.  “Many times I’ve heard her say, don’t leave the chair pulled out if you don’t want Manny to get in trouble.  It will be your fault as much as his.  But it was Annie who looked at me as she pulled out a chair from under the table.  It was as though she was saying ‘come on big boy’.  Well, at that instant one of Annie’s guests stuck her head through the dining room entrance and said, ‘Come quick, the kickoff is in a few seconds’.  They left.”
     “When she pulled the chair out, you sure she wasn’t getting ready to sit down?” I asked. 
     “I never thought of that.”  Manny had a guilty look on his face.  “Anyway, it smelled so good and I thought leaving the chair there was an invitation for me to look.  And, maybe grab a little snack.  I gathered all my strength and jumped onto the chair, put my front paws on the table, and looked out over that fruited plain.”  Manny got tears in his eyes, “Oh, Sandy, it was like getting a chance to peek into heaven before dying.  All that good-looking and great-smelling stuff piled in humongous dog dishes.  And…and…and in the middle was that huge golden brown mound.  It had legs and wings and…and…and, now, I don’t want you to think I’m crazy, but I swear I could hear it saying, ‘Manny, eat me’…no dog could resist that.  None!  None!  None!”  Manny’s voice was getting shrill.
     “Calm down, Manny.  You don’t want to have a break down,” I said.
     “Gracias.”  He paused to compose himself.  With a big sigh he continued, “It was too much for me.  I knew I shouldn’t, but that mound kept calling.  Finally, I reasoned that no one would ever know, and if they did, I could blame Herman the cat.  He does those kind of things.  What would one little bite hurt?”
     “You got on the table, didn’t you.”
     “Oh, yes, but it was so hard.  The table, she was very crowded.  To get to the mound I had to wade through a bowl of stuff that looked like snow, but was warm with a lump of yellow in the middle.   And then through a swamp of green cut up plants with white juicy goo around them.  My paws sunk so deep my belly rubbed.  Finally, I made it to the huge pile.  The smell, if you only knew, que lastima!  I couldn’t resist.  I bit into one of the legs.  Turkey!  It was so good!  Then I tried some of the top.  I had to crawl up on the bird to get a bite, but I did.  Fantastic, absolutely fantastic.  It was so good I had to tell the world.  I barked, ‘this is super great shit!’  It only took seconds for the humans to rush into the room.  They were really mad!”
     “What did you expect?” I said.
     Manny looked sheepish and shrugged his shoulders.  “I was standing on top of the bird and Annie was carrying Herman so that excuse was gone.  I was scared.  They rushed the table.  But, it was what happened next that really made them furious.  ”
     “That was?”
     “I yelled, ‘the devil made me do it,’ around a mouthful of white meat.”
     I looked at Manny dubiously, “Come on, what else?”
     “Well, I have this weak bladder…”
     I’ll spare you the remaining details.  However, when he’d finished his tale I asked Manny, “Did you learn anything from all that?”
     “Three things.  First, never lie with your mouth full of white meat.  Second, never brag about something you’ve done, while still close enough to get caught.  Third, never take a human at their word.”
     Manny did learn some good principles, however, he missed what might be the most important…”Never drink too much before you eat.”

www.dlhavlin-author.com

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November 20 – Giving thanks on a lean Thanksgiving

       My human really loves the holidays.  When the Geezer Gator takes off his Halloween mask and costume he begins to shed his cynical side, smiles and laughs more, loses his temper less, and is happy to see the next day’s sunrise.  That air of happiness and contentment lasts until the last potato chips disappear from the TV tray bowls as he watches the New Year’s Day football games.
       As we got ready for this morning’s walk, I noted his normal displeasure with the TV news remained muted and the cold morning air didn’t elicit a single grumpy phrase.  While treading our ritual route, my decision to chase an insolent blue heron while still attached to my leash…came close to jerking the Geezer’s arm from its socket.  He didn’t even scold me.  His good-natured comment was, “Whoa Sandy, my arm won’t stretch that far.”  The Holidays Happies have descended on the Geezer Gator.
       I’m the kind of dog that doesn’t want to go through life having people think I have a dark cloud hovering over me, so I make a concerted effort fo avoid doom and gloom conversation.  But, I’m also as curious as Sugar, Mrs. G’s black and white cat.  I couldn’t help wondering how my friend was able to dismiss all the dire events and things I’d heard him discuss recently.  There didn’t seem to be much cause for him to be happy.
       After completing our walk and sitting in our accustomed places on the sea wall, my tongue itched and twitched until I blurted out my question.  “Damn, Geezer, after all the things you’ve been warning and complaining about the last couple months, how come you’re in such a good mood?”
       “Thanksgiving is right around a bend in the calendar, just a week away.”  He smiled as he squinted through the sun’s rays streaming from their source, now several degrees above the palms and mangroves.
       “It’s kind of going to be a lean Thanksgiving isn’t it?” I asked.
       “Why do you say that, Sandy?”
       I looked skyward, “Let me count the ways.  The stock market’s sinking faster than a tanker with four torpedo hits and your retirement with it.  We have a bailout program that isn’t designed to do anything except salvage some lavish weekends for AIG executives.  It’s made the economy a lot worse because the Headless Horseman (Geezer’s nickname for Bush) and his pimps in the media screamed “the sky is falling!” and generated a super panic.  The whole financial world lost confidence and went into a shell after that fiasco.  We have a President elect that’s promised change and a departure from business as usual in Washington, but is already putting all the old Beltway cronies in power positions.  You think his election was like hiring a drunk to guard a brewery.  Your son works for an auto manufacturer; your son-in-law is in the housing business.  Both of those industries have heart conditions and cancer compounded by AIDS.  Food prices are up.  I see that you have preparation H on your shopping list.  Need I mention more?”
       The Geezer tilted his head back and laughed heartily.
       I was shocked.  “Hey, Geezer wasn’t what I said true?”
       “Well….Yes….But Sandy, Thanksgiving isn’t a glass half empty day.  It’s definitely a glass half full event.”
       “Spare me the cliches, Gator.  What are you really saying?”
       “Thanksgiving is a day for taking inventory of the good happenings, people, and things in each of our lives.  It’s not for decrying what might have been or lamenting what you don’t have.”
        I lifted my eyes and looked at him in a skeptical manner.  ‘Polyanna,’ I thought, but shouldn’t have.  The old boy’s something of a mind-reader.
       “Really Sandy.”  Geezer smiled, arched his old back, and wiggled his rear to make the concrete more comfortable.  “I have a roof over my head and a nice place to live under it’s shingles.  I have enough income to pay my bills and eat.  Eating is habit forming you know.”
        He paused waiting for a reaction to his attempt at humor.  I obliged with a guffaw, and nodded for him to proceed.
        “Think about all the good I have.  I’ve got great friends-old and new-with which to enjoy and share parts of my life.  Having old friends like Chet and Betty, Babs and Ed, Carol and Glen, makes my life secure and happy.  New friends like Brenda, Judy, Maria, Andy, Mary, and others enrich and broaden my breathing.  Hey, the bad economy has made fishing better because there aren’t as many folks out on the bays.  My son and daughter will do well regardless of what short term problems trouble them, because they’re both winners and won’t be defeated, I’m truly thankful for that.  I have the finest wife a man could be blessed with and a dog too magnificent for words to describe.  What’s not to be thankful?”
      “See your point, Geezer.  And, the message that all of us can view our lives that way…yeah, I get it…but…” I let my voice trail off begging for the question.  I knew the old boy wouldn’t be able to resist.
       “But what?” 
       “All those bad things will still be there the day after Thanksgiving.”  I looked at him feeling I’d just made a most profound comment.
       The old boy’s grin broadened.  “That’s the thing I give thanks for the most.  I live in a place where I can do something about the problems around me– as long as I have the strength of my convictions and the determination to see them through.  And, thank God, I have that too.”

To all,  Happy Thanksgiving!

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www.dlhavlin-author.com