Tags: Books, Christmas, dogs, family, holidays, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing
Woof! Woof! Each year I like to tell a Christmas Story. This year it has a message … a positive one! Please share with your pups, family and friends.
A Christmas Story in the park.
Hi. I’m Sandy the Golden Retriever. I want to tell you a story.
Each day my human takes me to the park. We meet some interesting people there … and we get to watch what they do. That’s how we got to know Sam, and the Wilson kids.
Sam is an old fellow who spends most every afternoon sitting in the park. He comes there to feed the birds. The old man doesn’t seem to have anything else to do. Sam is short, plump, and bald. I like to think his hair slipped ten inches because he has a long white beard and a mustache. He always has a big bag or two with him. The bags are loaded with goodies for his bird friends. All the birds in the park and the surrounding neighborhood know Sam and flock to him when they see him walking toward his favorite long bench. It is right across Main Street from Miller’s Department Store.
The Wilson kids like to hang around the same area. Billy is five. He loves to play “fetch” with me and his sister, who is a very wise ten, is one of the greatest dog petting people in the world. Trina knows just how to scratch behind my ears. Both the Wilsons love to feed the birds. I don’t chase the pigeons, starlings, and sparrows because Sam, the Wilson children, my human and me are all friends. We spend a lot of time sitting together and talking.
It gets cold where we live … very cold in December. The Wilsons don’t seem to mind the cold. They don’t wear heavy coats like most folks. Both Sam and my human have suggested they should dress warmer, but Trina and Billy never want to talk about it.
The leaves had all fallen, some patches of snow were scattered on the ground, and Christmas decorations filled Miller’s Department store. It was the day before Christmas. We were all seated on the bench feeding the birds from Sam’s huge bag of day-old bread. Little patches of white fog marked each breathe we took. The birds ate so much they could hardly fly. Sam said, “I think we need to stop feeding our buddies. I’m afraid some of them might pop.”
“Do we have to?” Billy was disappointed. I think he’d like to see a bird pop.
“Billy, Sam is right. Besides we can go look at what’s in Miller’s windows before they take everything out after Christmas.” Trina grabbed her brother’s hand and tried to pull him from the bench.
Billy resisted. “Awwww, I don’t want to. It makes me sad.”
My human asked, “Sad? Why does it make you sad?”
Trina answered, “Because he knows we’ll never get those things. Mama can’t afford it.”
“What does he want?” Sam asked.
“The train set with the yellow engine.” Trina tugged on Billy’s hand, half pulling him off the bench.
“You seem anxious to go look. What do you want from the window?” Sam smiled. “It must be important.”
“A cell phone. I don’t care which one. I want to call my friends and have them call me. I get left—” Trina didn’t finish her sentence.
Sam rubbed his beard for a few seconds. “Have you tried to ask Santa?”
“I would, but Mama doesn’t have time to take us. She’s too busy working this time of year.” Billy looked enthusiastic. Trina just smirked.
“You don’t have to see him in person. Just ask, he’ll hear,” Sam said.
“I don’t think so,” Billy said, “I’ve tried that before and it doesn’t work.”
“Will you walk me across the street?” Trina asked her brother.
Billy snorted, shrugged, and got off the bench. He walked to the street. Trina started to walk with him, but ran back for a second and whispered, “Don’t get his hopes up. He’ll never get it.” She raced back to catch Billy before he crossed the street.
My human shook his head. “What size coats do you think they wear, Sam?”
“The boy wears a size 4 the girl a 9. I’d buy them a size or two larger.”
My human nodded. “I hope they get something for Christmas that they want.”
Sam remained silent for several seconds before saying, “I want them to get something more important than a train set or a cell phone.”
* * * * * *
Christmas afternoon my human and I were walking in the park when Billy and Trina ran up to us. Both wore new coats that were a little large. Their smiles were wide, but not as wide as the one on my human’s face. I figured out what the two of us had left outside the Wilson’s door. I barked to let them know, but my human just said, “Shsssh.”
We walked to the bench and our Friend Sam was already there. He looked tired, but happy. Two huge bags rested at his feet. “Merry Christmas,” he said as we approached. We answered, “Merry Christmas.”
“The bakery had an extra-large supply of bread to throw away and I intend to see the birds have a great Christmas, too.” Sam patted one of the bags.
Billy plopped down on the bench next to Sam and yelled, “Hooray.” My human and Trina sat on Sam’s other side.
Sam said, “Those are big Christmas smiles.”
“Yep, look at our coats,” Billy said.
“They’re so nice and warm,” Trina added.
“Well that’s good,” Sam got a serious look on his face. “I thought you’d be disappointed.”
“Why?” Trina asked.
Because Santa made a mistake and delivered some of your presents to my house.” Sam opened the second bag lying at his feet. He handed a large gaily wrapped package to Billy and small one to Trina. The wrapping paper tore easily and soon Billy was admiring his new train set … with a yellow engine. Trina held her I-phone in her hand with a grip so tight her fingers turned white. Tears entered her eyes and my humans. And, I admit, mine. Trina looked at Sam and said, “Thank you.”
“Oh, don’t thank me. These really came from Santa. Look,” Sam slid his fingers over the cell and a message appeared. He handed the phone to Trina and she read the e-mail.
“From: S. Claus … To: Billy and Trina Wilson …
I hope you enjoy the wrapped presents. I have two more gifts for you that are far more important. One is hope. The other is belief. As long as you keep these two things in your hearts and minds, anything is possible in your lives.”
Tags: Books, Current events, dogs, family, holidays, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing
Shopping is exhausting. My human’s wife is one of those who looks forward to the insanity know as “Black Friday.” In the past she’d get up early, spend the day after Thanksgiving battling competitive shoppers for the specials, get home, put up her feet, and thank the barons of commerce for the crumbs. AND … She’d be thankful that her ordeal by department store was done for another year.
Have you seen the ads on TV? There is no day, occasion, incident, or excuse to flimsy to put the word “black” in front of and use as a ploy to try to extract a few more coins from the beleaguered consumer. Even car dealers are going black – some for the whole month. We now have Black Thanksgiving Eve, Blacker Thanksgiving Morning, Kind-a-black Saturday, Black I-net Monday, and Dark-Gray-Turning-Black-Sunday. The magnetic strips are being worn off credit cards, wallets are being worn out, and both shoppers and shop-keepers patience is worn away.
I guess I should be thankful. At least it reduces the number of political ads on TV.
# # # # #
Tags: Books, Christmas, dogs, family, holidays, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Thanksgiving, Writing
Thank You! Thank You!
A couple of you reminded the Geezer, when he spoke at the Copperfish last night, that I needed my turn at the computer. He’s promised to be more considerate and let me have my paws on the keyboard more frequently.
The Geezer had a most successful trek to the Copperfish. He met lots of folks, both fans and prospective new ones, I’m sure he wowed them with his bullshit, had a great gab session, and (oh, yes) sold and signed a bunch of books.
Another thank you is in order. That’s to the 20,000 plus visitors who have read my blog. Woof, woof. I reached the milestone a few days ago. It’s humbling to this dog and I’ll do my best to continue to make your visits here worth your time.
T’is the season, or at least, it’s close to it. The Geezer will be posting one (or more) of his Christmas Stories on his blog and I’ll be doing the same on this one. Look for them to start right after Thanksgiving.
Finally: Woof-Arf Grrr-Arf-Woof. Translated into Humanese that’s ………………………. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
# # # # #
Tags: Books, Cape Coral, dogs, Events, Florida, Humor, life, Port Charlotte, publishing, Punta Gorda, Reading, Writing
The Geezer is in the middle of a stretch where he is busier than a one armed paper hanger! It means he’s gone a lot and the lap top goes with him. I had a chance to get my paws on it for a few minutes this morning, so I took this opportunity to communicate to all of you. You can help me. He’ll be speaking at The Copperfish Bookstore in Punta Gorda, Florida, Tuesday afternoon, November 24, at 6:00 PM. Go see him (the Geezer is also known as DL Havlin) and tell him to let me get a chance to spend some time on line. You might want to stay and hear him talk. He’ll be speaking about his newest novel, Bully Route Home. If you like history delivered in an entertaining style he’s worth seeing. His book, Bully Route Home deals with bullying and race relations and he calls it, “The past’s portrait of today’s problems.”
# # # # #
Tags: Books, dogs, family, fiction, funny stories, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing
If a human tells you the moon is made of cheese, don’t argue, ask them to cut you a slice.
If a human tries to put stupid looking clothing on you, tell them, “No, not until I see you try it on first.”
If a human feeds you lots of table scraps including beans, broccoli, cauliflower, tacos, and radishes, get even with them by staying close and keeping your rear end pointed at them until your problem passes.
If a human tells you “this hurts me as much as you,” bite them and ask the same question.
If a human tells you you’re the smartest animal in the world, remember she or he is probably selling Brooklyn Bridges as a two for one special.
If a human politician promises you the canine right to vote, a chicken in every pot, sex with your favorite movie star, free phones, free medical care, free housing, 360 days on sunshine each year, and to execute all dog-catchers, remember she or he’s already promised everybody else something similar. (E.g. – Dog-catchers are promised all dogs will be executed) Quick! Bury them in the backyard before they do the same to you!
# # # # #
Tags: Books, conservative, dogs, Election, fiction, Humor, life, News, Politics, publishing, Reading, Writing
Goodness! It’s October 12, 2015! If I’ve calculated correctly, that’s 394 more days until the next presidential election. I don’t know if me and my humans will maintain our sanity if we have to be subjected to the insanity spewing from TV, Mags, Papers, and the I-net. Maybe it’s a new strategy: If the media bombards us with enough manure, we’ll lose interest and elect another loser of their choice. Have you seen some of the BS they’re putting out? Some of the best fantasy writers of our time are masquerading as journalists. I can’t help but think of the old cliche “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” when I hear these idiots scream at each other. They twist the truth like Superman makes pretzels out of steel bars. Election fatigue is here with a year to go.
When it gets here … Whoever gets elected … Please start by draining the great dismal swamp called Washington. My human says if we can get somebody, anybody, elected from outside corruption central, there’s a chance for the country to make it. As he points out, when the swamp dries, the bureaucrats and elected officials will be of some use. The skins from the rats and reptiles inhabiting the place now can be converted into something more usable like shoes, purses, fuzzy slippers, and fur-lined toilets.
The picture above is a reminder to be careful that when all those promising politicos tell you, “I’d like to invite you for lunch,” be sure you aren’t the main course.
# # # # #
Tags: Books, Current events, dogs, Election, fiction, Humor, life, Media, publishing, Reading, Writing
There was a meeting of the Pine Island Canine Chowder and Ham Bone Marching Society this morning. Since there wasn’t much doggie business to discuss, we looked for other topics. We thought about discussing monkey business, but none of us knew any monkeys or what’s important to them, so we decided we shouldn’t discuss that. However, Sparkle, the Irish Setter, suggested that our lack of monkey expertise shouldn’t deter us from discussing simian issues. She said, “After all, look at human politicians. They talk about everything and know practically nothing.” Accepting that as a fact was the first unanimous show of paws I can remember at one of our meetings.
Peter the pointer pointed out that, “All you have to do is to look at the debate that was on TV last night. The thing you learned most was how all the humans didn’t like each other or this one human. That’s what they discussed, mostly. So … they really discussed nothing.” We snickered. Humans are a low life form.
The Pine Island Canine Chowder and Ham Bone Marching Society then discussed that there was nothing to discuss, and, rather than degrade ourselves to human levels, we adjourned the meeting.
# # # # #
Tags: birding, Birds, Books, dogs, family, Humor, life, nature, publishing, Reading, wildlife, Writing
Waiting! Waiting! Waiting! I wonder how much time I spend doing that. I wait for my humans to feed me. I wait for them to walk me. I wait on the armadillo to come out of his hole so we can play. I wait on the Geezer to get my pull-toy so we can play tug-of-war. I wait for Mrs. G to stop petting Oreo so I can monopolize her attention. It seems like most of my life is spent in the sheer boredom of waiting.
Normally, I’d say humans have little understanding of the suffering we canines endure, but in this instance … this one instance … the Geezer understands. Right now he’s waiting. Waiting on his new book Bully Route Home to get into the stores. Waiting for the change his publisher is making in distributors to settle out. Waiting for response from agents on two of his manuscripts. Waiting for final publishing editorial approval on another. Waiting! Waiting! Waiting!
I pass my waiting time on a carefully planned and regimented schedule. Seventy-two percent is spent sleeping on one of my two large pillows. Another 12% is spent wimpering at my humans feet. It makes them feel guilty … the result … I get treats. Ten percent goes to my exercise program. That consists of rolling on my back, stretching when I get out of bed, and scratching imaginary fleas (don’t have any, but one must keep their techniques sharp). The rest is used to do what a girl’s got to do.
The Geezer simply spends his waiting time writing … and writing … and writing. Which, you already guessed, creates more waiting time. Humans, they learn slow or not at all.
# # # # #
Tags: Books, dogs, editors, family, fiction, funny stories, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing
Here are some of my doggie definitions … maybe I should call them daffynitions.
Intellectual – A person who occasionally knows more than most, but most of the time just pretend they do.
Restroom – A poorly named place that most human are in a hurry to get in, to get done, and to get out of — It should be called a Rushroom.
Legacy – Lies told to perpetuate the myth of an incompetent person’s competency.
Fidelity (definition #1) – State of mind said to exist in the minds of admirers of the former Cuban dictator. Often referred to by others as people who have been “fideled” or something starting with the same letter.
Fidelity (definition #2) – A monogamous, favorable, but difficult human condition to maintain … however, seemingly impossible in Hollywood.
Fidelity (definition #3) – An affliction of violinists who play country music.
Trade-in – A course of action taken by wealthy women and men who become bored with their cars and spouses.
# # # # #