Waiting on the Stork

September 2, 2015 at 12:01 pm | Posted in Books, dogs, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Uncategorized, Writing | Leave a comment
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The Geezer says he knows how this night heron feels waiting on the stork

The Geezer says he knows how this night heron feels waiting on the stork, I do too–

Waiting! Waiting! Waiting! I wonder how much time I spend doing that. I wait for my humans to feed me. I wait for them to walk me. I wait on the arnadillo to come out of his hole so we can play. I wait on the Geezer to get my pull toy so we can play tug-of-war. I wait for Mrs. G to stop petting Oreo so I can monopolize her attention. It seems like most of my life is spent in the sheer boredom of waiting.

Normally, I’d say humans have little understanding of the suffering we canines endure, but in this instance … this one instance … the Geezer understands. Right now he’s waiting. Waiting on his new book Bully Route Home to get into the stores. Waiting for the change his publisher is making in distributors to settle out. Waiting for response from agents on two of his manuscripts. Waiting for final publishing editorial approval on another. Waiting! Waiting! Waiting!

I pass my waiting time on a carefully planned and regimented schedule. Seventy-two percent is spent sleeping on one of my two large pillows. Another 12% is spent wimpering at my humans feet. It makes them feel guilty … the result … I get treats. Ten percent goes to my exercise program. That consists of rolling on my back, stretching when I get out of bed, and scratching imaginary fleas (don’t have any, but one must keep their techniques sharp). The rest is used to do what a girl’s got to do.

The Geezer simply spends his waiting time writing … and writing … and writing. Which, you already guessed, creates more waiting time. Humans, they learn slow to not at all.

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Doggie Daffynitions ——–

August 11, 2015 at 6:52 pm | Posted in Books, dogs, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Uncategorized, Writing | 3 Comments
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Here I am, pointing the way to the next historical site. Note the royal pillow the Geezer provides for my head.

The way I see it…………….

Here are some of my doggie definitions … maybe I should call them daffynitions.

Intellectual – A person who occasionally knows more than most, but most of the time just pretend they do.

Restroom – A poorly named place that most human are in a hurry to get in, to get done, and to get out of — It should be called a Rushroom.

Legacy – Lies told to perpetuate the myth of an incompetent person’s competency.

Fidelity (definition #1) – State of mind said to exist in the minds of admirers of the former Cuban dictator. Often referred to by others as people who have been “fideled” or something starting with the same letter.

Fidelity (definition #2) – A monogamous, favorable, but difficult human condition to maintain … however, seemingly impossible in Hollywood.

Fidelity (definition #3) – An affliction of violinists who play country music.

Trade-in – A course of action taken by wealthy women and men who become bored with their cars and spouses.

 

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Rain, Rain go … where you’re needed.

July 18, 2015 at 12:03 pm | Posted in Books, Current events, dogs, economy, life, Reading | 4 Comments
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Rain - It messes up my days on the boat

Rain – It messes up my days on the boat

The Florida summer is in full force. Thunder storms are a daily threat. A lot of my friends, human and canine, hate this time of year. My buddy, Trooper, gets so upset he goes into panic mode. Even his “thunder vest” only reduces his terror. The humans that belong to Trooper do their best to comfort him. They even leave the TV on when they leave him at home so in case it storms the sound will comfort him.

I understand the need for all the rain. Without rain, it wouldn’t be long before I’d run out of grass to do business on. Since I live indoors 90% of the time, the rain doesn’t impact my days as much as many of my buddies who normally spend at least half of their time outside. They get “Dog-house fever” and become grumpy, lethargic, and depressed. The thing that bothers me most is that the Geezer doesn’t take the boat out in this weather. I love riding in the boat’s bow even more than riding in the car. The salt air and wind whipping around my body feels SO good. Makes me feel like Kate Winslet, though the Geezer’s craft is a wee bit smaller than the Titanic. Then there’s all the smells, birds to watch, porpoise to bark at, and fish fillets that the Geezer cooks for me after we return. I get the jacks, bluefish and other species the Geezer’s missus doesn’t care for.

I know. When it doesn’t rain, it creates a lot of problems for humans. They moan and complain, but don’t do much about it. The humans in California are desperate for water. They pass laws. I wonder how much rain those laws produce? I haven’t heard of any yet. That’s not completely fair, conserving is a good thing. If they’d use a little old-fashioned dog-sense they could solve several problems at one time. Why don’t humans collect all the excess water that accumulates in one area and move it to another? There are huge floods that people don’t want. Why not build huge reservoirs, let flood waters accumulate there and pipe it to areas that need it? I mentioned this to the Geezer and he said he wasn’t sure it would be “cost effective.”

Hmmmm, besides being able to charge for the water, I asked him about the cost savings from mitigating the flood damage, the fact that electricity could be generated, the fact the lakes created would act as tourist attractions. Pipes and pumps. Why not? They do it with oil and it requires a lot more cost and effort to get out of the ground. After all, aren’t those same people spending money to accommodate additional people when they don’t have enough water for those folks living there already? He grinned. The poor Geezer. He suffers from that universal human failing – lack of vision.

 

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Update — Heron babies in feeding film clip — How quick they grow!

June 29, 2015 at 10:22 am | Posted in Books, dogs, life, Reading, Writing | 4 Comments
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Looking for its own meals now.

Looking for its own meals now.

How quickly they grow! Above is one of the babies that appeared in a video clip in one of my posts a few weeks ago. The young night heron is looking for small wharf crabs that scurry around our seawall. The mangroves across the canal are alive with heron families in all stages of the rearing process. Below, bro or sis stands on our dock and looks at the squalling aviary buried in greenery.

 

If two's company and three's a crowd - what's twenty or more?

If two’s company and three’s a crowd – what’s twenty or more?

Many hatchlings are still in the nest. The one pictured below looks bored and ready to start life. The dangers that lurk are waiting for him, but at this point he isn’t aware of things like raccoons, coyotes, falcons, etc.

Not ready for prime time player - Still nest bound.

Not ready for prime time player – Still nest bound.

If you didn’t see the film clip of the mother feeding these babies, look back in my posts several weeks. It’s worth taking the time to view. It was published 5/29, that’s four posts ago.

 

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Mom heron feeding babies … if you like nature, don’t miss this post.

May 29, 2015 at 7:42 am | Posted in Books, dogs, publishing, Reading, Writing | 4 Comments
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The old saying “A picture is worth a thousand words,” is one with which my human disagrees. He says a good writer should never use that many words to describe anything. Sigh. He’s wrong. Remember he’s human. Those who visit me regularly know we have a growing rookery behind our house. If you like nature, birds, etc., don’t miss viewing the clip below. The film clip and pictures show something my humans (and me) were privileged to observe. Its of a mom night heron feeding her young. The photos are of neighboring young herons that hatched several weeks earlier. I’ll let the clip and the photos do most of the woofing, sorry humans that’s talking in your lingo. Tell your friends to have a look.

Two juvenile Night Herons just starting to show adult plumage.

Two juvenile Night Herons just starting to show adult plumage.

Young adult pruning

Young adult pruning

Mom heron getting ready to feed her babies

Mom heron getting ready to feed her babies. There are two. Can you find them?

The clip is of the parent feeding the babies regurgitated crabs. The fact that Mrs. G was able to get a clip of such a rare sight as the feeding was great, but unfortunately there was an even better shot that was missed. Humans don’t walk around with cameras ALL the time. That would have been the film of the night heron parents collaborating with one of the green herons who also nest in the mangroves across the canal. The three birds caught and drove off a four foot long black snake that tried to rob their nest. It was a once in a lifetime sight!

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It’s that time, the birds, the bees, & the manatees.

April 14, 2015 at 2:02 pm | Posted in Books, dogs, life, publishing, Reading, Uncategorized, Writing | 3 Comments
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A baby heron stands in front of its nest.

Tis the season. Spring time brings birth in SW Florida. We now have eight night heron nests, two green heron nests and a kingfisher all nesting in the mangroves across the canal. Up higher a red-tailed hawk pair is raising their young. The young night herons are about ready to leave the nest with the others all a little behind. There are seven Osprey nests scattered through our neighborhood, we wake up to their screaming every morning.

The manatees have returned to the canal to have their young as they do each year. We’ve only been able to identify one “baby” this year. There are seven who are spending most of the time in our canal. They come and go. But mom and little one stay there; it is a lot safer than braving the propeller blades they’d face in Charlotte Harbor or Pine Island Sound. Hope you enjoy the pics.

 

This years crop is ready to leave - adult colors are in place

This years crop is ready to leave – adult colors are in place

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Mom Heron is friendly and comes within a few feet to stand on our dock pilings.

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Mom Manatee and baby – BIG baby!

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Papa Manatee out for a cruise on Sunday PM

Spring has sprung!

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Ever listen to TV ads? Are humans THAT stupid?

March 28, 2015 at 10:53 am | Posted in Advertising, Books, Current events, Media, TV, Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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Sandy says - Really?

Sandy says – Really?

 6 is > than 1

Really?

Anybody know how much a thirty second spot costs on national TV? I know they’re expensive even if they aren’t shown at the same time as the super bowl. Just a guess, but it’s probably at least in six figures. I’m sure some unbelievably smart human devises these brief messages composed to indelibly  etch a message on the viewers mind. But really? Are humans that stupid?

A couple of examples should suffice. Let’s start with the one that intends to enlighten it’s human audience about a product you stick up your nostrils. It’s supposed to do wonders for those with nose problems. It has six active ingredients, though the ad doesn’t spend much time saying what they are or what they do. What message does this bit of TV magic leave you with? My goodness – 6 is greater than 1! What a revelation! I assume the Madison Avenue geniuses fashioning this ad believe the majority of humans hunkering in front of their TV’s never made the third grade. Maybe they thought that college professors are teaching elementary schools and those students are learning nothing just like those being taught in universities. Whatever IQ level you assign canines, we know six is greater than one. Who wouldn’t want six treats instead of just uno.

Then there is an ad for something – I think it’s for a car, but the ad missed its mark with me. Maybe with you. If you’ve seen it, can you tell me who the manufacturer is? It’s about a bunch of humans cringing in an office building afraid of drones hovering outside. One human gives advice and, of course, everybody does just the opposite. They run – the drones attack – chaos – but why? The Department of Justice isn’t allowed to use drones to attack us like they said they wanted to, or so they claim they won’t. The superior smart ass in the ad rides off into the sunset as his car’s technology, the car whose name I can’t remember, outsmarts the drones’ technology.

And they pay humans to invent and produce those ads? It’s a wonder the low intellect species has survived this long. But, you can’t cheat evolution. Watch TV news – the way things are going, humans will be extinct in no time.

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Meet the Manatees – my wet buddies …. Their reality show screen test

March 4, 2015 at 10:38 am | Posted in Books, dogs, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Writing | 5 Comments
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    Meet some of my big wet friends, Mathew and Matilda Manatee. They just stopped by to say HI! Some facts about my friends … they live in the warm tropical waters around Florida and in the Caribbean. Mat and Matilda eat vegetation varying from sea grass to mangrove leaves. An adult can reach eight feet in length and weigh 500 pounds or more. They’re mammals, but can slow their heart rates to less than a beat a minute allowing them to stay submerged for long periods of time. They come into our sheltered canal each spring to make more manatees. You know – the birds and the bees thing.

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Words of wisdom from Dogfucius

February 27, 2015 at 2:49 pm | Posted in Books, dogs, Humor, life, publishing, Reading, Uncategorized, Writing | 8 Comments
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Words of wisdom from my canine cranium

Words of wisdom from my canine cranium

My human, The Geezer, often tells me how important it is to share our knowledge with others. As a respected member of DOGSA, I’ve decided to impart canine wisdom to my human readers in the hope of advancing that backward species. I will quote the great canine philosopher Dogfucius from time to time.

Dogfucius says – “Human men never complain about rain or snow at a football game, but cannot tolerate a light dew when cutting grass.

Dogfucius says – “Human women have great memory for everything that has been done to offend them, but can’t remember their weight, their age, or the last time they got a traffic ticket.

Dogfucius says – “”It is no coincidence the human spelling for big-shot and big-shit is almost the same.”

Dogfucius has spoken.

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It’s that time of year — in Southwest Florida

February 25, 2015 at 10:33 am | Posted in Books, dogs, life, publishing, Reading, Writing | 1 Comment
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The Herons have returned!

The Herons have returned!

It’s that time of year in Southwest Florida. Our nesting season has started. All five nests across the canal have been reoccupied by our expanding family of night herons. We’re interested to see if we have an additional nest of offspring who return to the mangroves where they were born. We’ve increased our rookery by one nest the past three seasons. Two pair of green herons are sprucing up their lodges interspersed in the same mangroves. We have two pair of Osprey that are building nests that are also visible from our porch. The strong winds over last few days severely damaged one nest, but mom and dad Osprey have reconstruction on full-tilt. I’ll snap some pics for you as things develop.

For all you shivering in cold climates, there is hope. Our high today is supposed to be 78F and it’s on its way toward you. Well, it may take a while…….

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