Tag Archive | Humor

All points of view told here … now for a cat’s eye view.

"Confucius" Oreo!

“Confucius” Oreo!

All points of view should be heard! Unlike humans, we animals listen to all ideas.

With that in mind, this post features the feline point-of-view as expressed by my house mate, Oreo. My interview was a question and answer session. Some of his wisdom is expressed below.

Sandy Q. – What is your defense for those people who say cats are lazy?

Oreo A. – That’s completely unfounded. Our species just really enjoys doing nothing.

Sandy Q. – Do you believe that personality and attitude are impossible to divide?

Oreo A. – Ridiculous. My personality is who I am. My Attitude depends on many things: What food you put in my bowl, how many tummy rubs I get a day, if you have a broom in your hand, if you pet the dog more than me … I could go on.

Sandy Q. – Do you take responsibility for opinions you express?

Oreo A. – Absolutely. But … not for your lack of intelligence to understand them. Gee, maybe I should run for office.

Sandy Q. – How do you settle bitter arguments you have with others?

Oreo A. – Its a 4 step process. 1) I suggest a cooling off period. 2) I insist we stay silent and hold our breath for 20 minutes. 3) I cheat. 4) I call for a hearse.

Sandy Q. – Do you believe that we can read each others minds?

Oreo A. – No. If that were true I’d be slapped and punched much more often.

Sandy Q. – Are you in agreement that we carnivorous folks should change our eating habits because we kill living things?

Oreo A. – Hell no. Aren’t plants alive? Whats that leave? Rocks? Give me a break.

Sandy Q. – Do you doubt that humans are the mentally superior species on earth?

Oreo A. – Yes. Proof in one word answers. Bush. Clinton. Obama. Ryan. Pelosi. Romney. Want more?

Sandy Q. – Do you have a suggestion to create more world peace?

Oreo A. – Just as we animals are subject to … forced neutering. Less humans, more peace.

 

So speaketh the feline sage.

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21st Century Torture … Political Conventions

 

Enough already. I'm weary of politics. Won't somebody flush?

Enough already. I’m weary of politics. Won’t somebody flush?

 

Water Boarding? Child’s play. The Rack? A stretching experience. Iron Maiden? Pin cushion in a case. Glowing hot pokers? Localized sun tans. All these tortures pale when compared to being exposed to the political conventions my human has on the tube.

I’ve compiled some of my thoughts after listening to the verbal vomit for the last two weeks.

  1. I wonder if many of the commentators prefer not to think before speaking because they like to be surprised by what their tongue produces.
  2. Humans are great examples of Darwin’s theory of evolution. Homo sapiens must have evolved from lemmings – they’re dumb enough to follow their leaders off of cliffs.
  3. Many convention speakers have the attitude that, “I could explain things to you, but I doubt you’d understand since you’re not elite like me.”
  4. Watching the protesters outside the conventions it’s plain these folk’s weren’t born with that little thing inside human brain’s that keeps them from saying or doing something they shouldn’t.
  5. As a canine, I have developed my understanding for normal human behavior to an acceptable level. It’s my tolerance for idiots that must be improved.
  6. Listening to many speakers, protesters, and commentators at these events you have to wonder if they use toilet paper with printed instructions on every sheet.
  7. Hey protesters: When is “old enough to know better” supposed to kick in?
  8. I couldn’t help wondering if all the human mental asylum’s in the nation had be shut and their inhabitants shipped to Philly and Cleveland.
  9. Let me get this straight humans – You humans lecture us on how love is the universal answer then follow that with how much you hate and despise the other 50% in the country. I’ve seen two rival wolf packs fighting over a kill that have more understanding of the other group.
  10. These events verify the saying, “When you’re stupid, you don’t know you’re stupid – It’s only difficult for others!”

November can’t come quick enough.

 

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Right foot … Left foot … (Humans require detailed instruction)

 

Here I am instructing the Geezer - "Right foot ... left foot ..."

Here I am instructing the Geezer – “Right foot … left foot …”

This is a slightly dated photo, but it demonstrates canine dedication to our humans and the unbelievable patience it takes to work with an inferior mental species. I’ve brought him along quickly. Since this pic, he has abandoned the walker and only uses a cane to ward off folks that might bump into him.

Note the weights on his ankles. This is his idea, not mine. I told him, “Geezer, you don’t need those – you have plenty of weight in that big ass of yours.” He whined about getting extra strength in his leg muscles. I don’t know why he needs them stronger. If he could put a weight on his jaw it would make sense because he uses that most frequently. (Observe gut) Maybe its just the masochistic side that humans all have. It wasn’t worth the hassle of arguing with him so I let him do it.

Anyway, thanks to my superb coaching and conditioning talents he is officially released from physical therapy. Onward and upward, Geezer!

 

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Dogfucius says …….

 

I long for the days I was too young to understand what's on TV.

Ever since my earliest days my wisdom has been unchallenged. I won’t eat dill pickles!

 

I have pondered some important questions and have decided to enlighten you humans with helpful illuminations —-

Dogfucius says the human mouth is a poor design. There is no filter on it to catch the bad things that come from it: vomit and lies.

Dogfucius says one must remember the adage “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” You humans must modernize it to “Beware of politicians offering free stuff.”

Dogfucius says remember that those humans who profess to have good intentions have a poor record in producing good results.

Dogfucius says Pavlov proved canines are smarter than humans. He showed that dogs learn to avoid bad things and respond to good things rather quickly. Human’s aren’t smart enough to understand “He who chooses to ignore history is cursed to live it again.” Want proof? Read about the 1930’s (happenings and individuals) and compare them to today’s events.

 

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Good news … bad news …

 

The Geezer (aka - DL Havlin) at the Charlotte Cultural Center with Dan his number one fan. He has every book the Geezer has published.

The Geezer (aka – DL Havlin) at the Charlotte Cultural Center with Dan his number one fan. Dan has every book the Geezer has written that’s been published.

The Geezer had bad and good news this week. The bad news first. Attending local signings, shows, and events are one of the things the Geezer really enjoys. The annual shows held in the Port Charlotte Cultural Center are among his favorites. The bad news? He’ll not be able to attend in person this year. The doctor says his going so soon after his surgery is pushing a little too fast. (Even though the old boy is doing great and his recovery is well ahead of schedule.) Mrs. G will be attending in his place so he’ll be maintaining his commitment to the event. He’s big on keeping his word.

Now for good news! The old boy is a finalist in the flash fiction category of this years Florida Writers Association’s Royal Palm Literary Awards. His entry is his short story, There Are No Lights In Naples. Let’s all wish the old boy good luck.

 

Notification badge for the Geezer's work being a semi-finalist.

Notification badge for the Geezer’s work being a semi-finalist.

 

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How do you like it?

 

Sorry Trooper

My buddy Trooper says he loves it! I hope you do too!

Notice anything different? After many posts and years, I started this blog in June of 2008, I’ve given it a face lift. Well … kind of … Mrs. G gave me a major assist. She says the heading is more in keeping with my temperament, gender, and … well it’s just me.

What do you think?

 

My new job as Physical Therapist … give me a whip!

 

Leading the Geezer - "Only two more miles."

Leading the Geezer – “Only two more miles.”

 

I’m added another title to my many accolades – Physical Therapist. The Geezer’s recent hip replacement has him shuffling along and I’ve decided to take a personal hand in getting the old boy up and operating at full speed! What ever that is for him. Here we’re walking in the morning Florida sun.

I’ve found training him presents its challenges. The use of a dish of ice cream as a treat reward overcomes all obstacles, however. This is another example of how we canines are human’s best friends.

 

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