Tag Archive | life

Octoberfest – some canine observations

 

The Geezer with the smiling fraulein from the Octoberfest.

The Geezer with a beautiful, smiling Fräulein from the Octoberfest.

I always enjoy going along on the Geezer’s book adventures. Last weekend I had the opportunity. He attended an “Octoberfest” in Sarasota, Florida that was a number of things. First, it was a thoroughly enjoyable event. Its organizers are an enlightened crew that understand that canine presence adds to any festivity. I became a major point of interest in the Geezer’s booth; a celebrity in fact!

The Celebration was a bit of Munich transplanted to Florida’s west coast. The authentic garb many of the participants wore livened the festivities. German food and pastries added a yum factor and there was an abundance all types of beer to wash it down. The sounds of music was non-stop and had me looking for Julie Andrews and Christoper Plummer. The traditional folk songs made me try a four-legged polka from time-to-time. Beer steins were everywhere, smiles were on most everyone’s face, and tossing beer kegs was a big time game.

It was hot! I’m going to speak to the event organizer and see if some Bavarian temperatures can also be imported next year. Of course, the hot temperatures meant some patrons reduced the clothing wore to a minimum. In many cases, this was a good thing – least ways, the human males seemed to enjoy it. There were some individuals that would have been best served to have dressed themselves in fur like I do. Most of these wore fashions from the “Two Sizes Too Small Mall.” I’ll write a whole blog post about my visit to that shopping area.

Come next year this Octoberfest event is one to add to your list of “got to go to’s.”

 

octoberfest-1

 

#  #  #  #  #

Fall has fell! … The Geezer’s on the road again.

I hear Willie singing, "On the road again"

I hear Willie singing, “On the road again”

 

Fall is in the air! It’s only 92 degrees today and the humidity is 78%. Well, that’s better than its been. It means the holidays are coming and, best of all, the election will be over! It’s also traveling season for us as the Geezer starts his appearance schedule after his hip replacement.

Dogfucius has some bits of wisdom for the upcoming season.

Advice to does. A horny deer and a horny dear both must be approached with great caution unless one wishes to be horned. Approach a horny deer from downwind for best success when hunting. Approach a horny dear from upwind for nostril relief. (Hunting these is not necessary.)

Do not discuss going to Grandma’s house for Thanksgiving with any of your turkey friends.

Buy stock in insane asylums. The election will be over soon and overcrowding will be a problem.

I suggest humans with white chimneys post the following sign on Christmas Eve: “Santa, this is not our outhouse.”

Men, do not argue with your spouse about who will be the back half of your Halloween costume if you’re going dressed as a horse. You are what you are.

Speaking of horse rumps – My human, the lovable old Geezer, will be signing books at the On Point Book Fair tomorrow. If you’re in the Tampa, Florida area, he’ll be at the Westshore Plaza 10AM until (ugh) 9PM. Look for the sign with DL Havlin printed on it and the Geezer wearing his black Stetson.

 

#  #  #  #  #

I do … (A quiz — would you prefer to be a child again?)

"Do you ever wish you were a child again?"

“Do you ever wish you were a child again?”

There are days when I wish I could flip the calendar back to my care free youth. My worries were whether I got a comfortable spot to nurse at Momma’s dinner table, how long I should stay awake between naps, and if my brothers and sisters were told they were “the cutest puppy” more times than me. Ahhhhhh … Those were the days.

If you ever think you’d like to hop in a time machine and travel backwards, some of the following questions might help you decide.

Do you remember when there were no cell phones? No way to call for help if your car broke down versus no way for the boss to check on you or disturb your weekend. Which do you prefer?

Do you remember kick the can? Do you think that game was better for your kids than Pokemon?

Do you remember when fresh meat and vegetables were really fresh? Do you prefer picking veggies you raised in your organic garden to picking up preserved veggies in plastic wrap from a grocery counter?

Do you miss reading the morning newspaper or prefer watching TV news each AM?

Do you long for the day when “Clinton” was best known as a town in Tennessee and “Trump” was a term used when playing bridge?

You decide.

 

 

All points of view told here … now for a cat’s eye view.

"Confucius" Oreo!

“Confucius” Oreo!

All points of view should be heard! Unlike humans, we animals listen to all ideas.

With that in mind, this post features the feline point-of-view as expressed by my house mate, Oreo. My interview was a question and answer session. Some of his wisdom is expressed below.

Sandy Q. – What is your defense for those people who say cats are lazy?

Oreo A. – That’s completely unfounded. Our species just really enjoys doing nothing.

Sandy Q. – Do you believe that personality and attitude are impossible to divide?

Oreo A. – Ridiculous. My personality is who I am. My Attitude depends on many things: What food you put in my bowl, how many tummy rubs I get a day, if you have a broom in your hand, if you pet the dog more than me … I could go on.

Sandy Q. – Do you take responsibility for opinions you express?

Oreo A. – Absolutely. But … not for your lack of intelligence to understand them. Gee, maybe I should run for office.

Sandy Q. – How do you settle bitter arguments you have with others?

Oreo A. – Its a 4 step process. 1) I suggest a cooling off period. 2) I insist we stay silent and hold our breath for 20 minutes. 3) I cheat. 4) I call for a hearse.

Sandy Q. – Do you believe that we can read each others minds?

Oreo A. – No. If that were true I’d be slapped and punched much more often.

Sandy Q. – Are you in agreement that we carnivorous folks should change our eating habits because we kill living things?

Oreo A. – Hell no. Aren’t plants alive? Whats that leave? Rocks? Give me a break.

Sandy Q. – Do you doubt that humans are the mentally superior species on earth?

Oreo A. – Yes. Proof in one word answers. Bush. Clinton. Obama. Ryan. Pelosi. Romney. Want more?

Sandy Q. – Do you have a suggestion to create more world peace?

Oreo A. – Just as we animals are subject to … forced neutering. Less humans, more peace.

 

So speaketh the feline sage.

#  #  #  #  #

21st Century Torture … Political Conventions

 

Enough already. I'm weary of politics. Won't somebody flush?

Enough already. I’m weary of politics. Won’t somebody flush?

 

Water Boarding? Child’s play. The Rack? A stretching experience. Iron Maiden? Pin cushion in a case. Glowing hot pokers? Localized sun tans. All these tortures pale when compared to being exposed to the political conventions my human has on the tube.

I’ve compiled some of my thoughts after listening to the verbal vomit for the last two weeks.

  1. I wonder if many of the commentators prefer not to think before speaking because they like to be surprised by what their tongue produces.
  2. Humans are great examples of Darwin’s theory of evolution. Homo sapiens must have evolved from lemmings – they’re dumb enough to follow their leaders off of cliffs.
  3. Many convention speakers have the attitude that, “I could explain things to you, but I doubt you’d understand since you’re not elite like me.”
  4. Watching the protesters outside the conventions it’s plain these folk’s weren’t born with that little thing inside human brain’s that keeps them from saying or doing something they shouldn’t.
  5. As a canine, I have developed my understanding for normal human behavior to an acceptable level. It’s my tolerance for idiots that must be improved.
  6. Listening to many speakers, protesters, and commentators at these events you have to wonder if they use toilet paper with printed instructions on every sheet.
  7. Hey protesters: When is “old enough to know better” supposed to kick in?
  8. I couldn’t help wondering if all the human mental asylum’s in the nation had be shut and their inhabitants shipped to Philly and Cleveland.
  9. Let me get this straight humans – You humans lecture us on how love is the universal answer then follow that with how much you hate and despise the other 50% in the country. I’ve seen two rival wolf packs fighting over a kill that have more understanding of the other group.
  10. These events verify the saying, “When you’re stupid, you don’t know you’re stupid – It’s only difficult for others!”

November can’t come quick enough.

 

#  #  #  #  #

Right foot … Left foot … (Humans require detailed instruction)

 

Here I am instructing the Geezer - "Right foot ... left foot ..."

Here I am instructing the Geezer – “Right foot … left foot …”

This is a slightly dated photo, but it demonstrates canine dedication to our humans and the unbelievable patience it takes to work with an inferior mental species. I’ve brought him along quickly. Since this pic, he has abandoned the walker and only uses a cane to ward off folks that might bump into him.

Note the weights on his ankles. This is his idea, not mine. I told him, “Geezer, you don’t need those – you have plenty of weight in that big ass of yours.” He whined about getting extra strength in his leg muscles. I don’t know why he needs them stronger. If he could put a weight on his jaw it would make sense because he uses that most frequently. (Observe gut) Maybe its just the masochistic side that humans all have. It wasn’t worth the hassle of arguing with him so I let him do it.

Anyway, thanks to my superb coaching and conditioning talents he is officially released from physical therapy. Onward and upward, Geezer!

 

#  #  #  #  #

 

Dogfucius says …….

 

I long for the days I was too young to understand what's on TV.

Ever since my earliest days my wisdom has been unchallenged. I won’t eat dill pickles!

 

I have pondered some important questions and have decided to enlighten you humans with helpful illuminations —-

Dogfucius says the human mouth is a poor design. There is no filter on it to catch the bad things that come from it: vomit and lies.

Dogfucius says one must remember the adage “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” You humans must modernize it to “Beware of politicians offering free stuff.”

Dogfucius says remember that those humans who profess to have good intentions have a poor record in producing good results.

Dogfucius says Pavlov proved canines are smarter than humans. He showed that dogs learn to avoid bad things and respond to good things rather quickly. Human’s aren’t smart enough to understand “He who chooses to ignore history is cursed to live it again.” Want proof? Read about the 1930’s (happenings and individuals) and compare them to today’s events.

 

#  #  #  #  #