Tag Archive | Politics

21st Century Torture … Political Conventions


Enough already. I'm weary of politics. Won't somebody flush?

Enough already. I’m weary of politics. Won’t somebody flush?


Water Boarding? Child’s play. The Rack? A stretching experience. Iron Maiden? Pin cushion in a case. Glowing hot pokers? Localized sun tans. All these tortures pale when compared to being exposed to the political conventions my human has on the tube.

I’ve compiled some of my thoughts after listening to the verbal vomit for the last two weeks.

  1. I wonder if many of the commentators prefer not to think before speaking because they like to be surprised by what their tongue produces.
  2. Humans are great examples of Darwin’s theory of evolution. Homo sapiens must have evolved from lemmings – they’re dumb enough to follow their leaders off of cliffs.
  3. Many convention speakers have the attitude that, “I could explain things to you, but I doubt you’d understand since you’re not elite like me.”
  4. Watching the protesters outside the conventions it’s plain these folk’s weren’t born with that little thing inside human brain’s that keeps them from saying or doing something they shouldn’t.
  5. As a canine, I have developed my understanding for normal human behavior to an acceptable level. It’s my tolerance for idiots that must be improved.
  6. Listening to many speakers, protesters, and commentators at these events you have to wonder if they use toilet paper with printed instructions on every sheet.
  7. Hey protesters: When is “old enough to know better” supposed to kick in?
  8. I couldn’t help wondering if all the human mental asylum’s in the nation had be shut and their inhabitants shipped to Philly and Cleveland.
  9. Let me get this straight humans – You humans lecture us on how love is the universal answer then follow that with how much you hate and despise the other 50% in the country. I’ve seen two rival wolf packs fighting over a kill that have more understanding of the other group.
  10. These events verify the saying, “When you’re stupid, you don’t know you’re stupid – It’s only difficult for others!”

November can’t come quick enough.


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Dogfucius says …….


I long for the days I was too young to understand what's on TV.

Ever since my earliest days my wisdom has been unchallenged. I won’t eat dill pickles!


I have pondered some important questions and have decided to enlighten you humans with helpful illuminations —-

Dogfucius says the human mouth is a poor design. There is no filter on it to catch the bad things that come from it: vomit and lies.

Dogfucius says one must remember the adage “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” You humans must modernize it to “Beware of politicians offering free stuff.”

Dogfucius says remember that those humans who profess to have good intentions have a poor record in producing good results.

Dogfucius says Pavlov proved canines are smarter than humans. He showed that dogs learn to avoid bad things and respond to good things rather quickly. Human’s aren’t smart enough to understand “He who chooses to ignore history is cursed to live it again.” Want proof? Read about the 1930’s (happenings and individuals) and compare them to today’s events.


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Happy Fourth on the Fifth. …


Sorry I’m late — Happy Fourth on the Fifth.


Happy birthday to all US citizens. That’s for people that really love this 240 year old country. I HOPE WE WILL BE ABLE TO ALL CELEBRATE 250 YEARS. Unless there is real change in the leadership, I don’t think we’ll see it. This is one time I don’t want to see something go to the dogs.

Happy Fourth of July to my human friends in the US.

Happy Fourth of July to my human friends in the US.


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Pardon my fart … or … Shall we recycle one more thing?

Geezer & I share a Christmas kiss

No, your breath isn’t that bad.


“Sorry, Sandy.”  The Geezer Gator waved his hand in front of his nose.  “I shouldn’t eat broccoli and baked beans at the same meal.”

I was glad we were sitting on the dock and there was a gentle breeze to dissipate the hovering flatulence.  “Geezer, that was really bad.  I’m glad you don’t smoke.  Lighting a match right now would cause an explosion.  That was a real high octane release.”

“It was a sheet rotter.  I hope it doesn’t turn that beautiful golden coat of yours green,” the Geezer looked at me and grinned.  “You know, maybe you should contact that T. Boone Pickens fellow and give him an idea for another source of natural gas.”

It took a few seconds for his words to register, my mind being slowed by the cloud of methane encircling us.  “Oh, you mean the guy that used to run TV advertisements for windmills and natural gas? That’s years ago.”

“Uh-huh, that’s T. Boone Pickens.”

“You thinking of renting out your digestive system? How much broccoli and baked beans can you consume?” I jested.  “Seems you might wear out parts of yourself pretty fast.”

The Geezer laughed.  “Hey, no single sourcing.  Think about the possibilities.  There’s so much gas being released by cows alone, a TV program I saw says it’s polluting the atmosphere more than automobiles, if I remember, correctly.”

I went along with the flow, “Yep, a completely renewable source of energy.  Just collect it and burn it.  All our energy problems are about to be solved!”

“Who’d of thought that something as simple as the common fart would save mankind.”  The breeze blew the last of the “rotten eggs” smell away.

“Now all we have to do is to collect them, Geezer.”

“That’s the beautiful part of your idea, Sandy.”  The Geezer’s mind was churning.  I could hear the old rusty gears squealing and clashing as they neared full speed.  “Think about all the satellite industries and disciplines that your idea will spawn.  They may end up naming some kind of economic event after you.  I can see it now – The Sandy Cycle.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, just think of it.”  The Gator held his fingers up and tugged at one.  “We’ll need to manufacture fart collectors.  Lots of them.  Think of the jobs that will create.  And fart strainers, that’s a must.  We’ll need a fart acquisition and distribution system, one that allows us to determine the octane rating so it can be sold like gasoline is now.”  The old boy tried to keep a straight face.  “Whole industries will be born.”

“Who’s going to develop all this?”  I prompted him, though I’m sure he didn’t need it.

He tugged at his second finger.  “No problem.  A new field of science will develop, Fartology!  Our leading universities will soon be turning out fartologists that study all facets of the discipline.  They’ll study fart formation, composition, conservation, utilization, everything.  I can see Harvard and Yale bragging about their graduates like they do Bush, Obama, and Clinton.

I nodded, “That sure is true.  Probably will spike deodorizer sales.  I’ll look into buying anti-stink stock, if there’s a stock market left after the next election.”

“Speaking about elections and government, think of all the agencies it will create.”  The Geezer tugged at a third finger.  “There will be the Department of Farts and Feces.  There will be groups studying foods best suited for fart formation, the toxic effect of farts on the Amazon rain forest, and, of course, quality inspectors from FDA.  Think of the graft and corruption potential.  The politicians will love it.  We’ll find out how long a fart can stay on a treadmill. Even the IRS will get their nose into the business as they sniff around for those villainous -“fart syphoners.”

“Interesting.  Who would be appointed to run the Department of Farts?” I asked.

“Sandy, it will take highly qualified individuals to run such a branch. How about selecting candidates from the nightly news?

“Agreed!” I shouted.  “I can’t think of people that are more full of it.


PS- this is an old post I revised & recycled- I thought some comic relief was in order.

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Sometimes humans do horrible things – And Nero fiddles …

Sometimes humans do good things -

At times humans do good things – Sometimes they’re plain horrible!


Unless you are deaf, dumb or blind, you can’t be ignorant of the events of the last 48 hours. Humanities scum, filth, garbage … showed its depravity in Orlando. Unfortunately, the human who perpetrated this event will get the headlines. Sharing those headlines will be pundits and politicos who ask everyone to “be as one.” Aaaaaa … humans, let me enlighten you … you’re already divided. If you don’t make changes, severe ones, World War Three is in the wings. You cannot allow the type evil that is evolving in all areas of the world to grow and prosper. I’d prefer not to have to scavenge your bodies to survive.

I don’t like to talk politics so I won’t say more than this. You humans need change. In thinking. In policy. In honesty. In functionality. Most of all, in leadership. That’s at all levels, in all organizations. Government and the news media should be first, followed closely by what you humans humorously call collegiate education. Barking won’t get it. The only way a mouth saves is CPR. We have had way to much mouth – in fact, fifteen years of it is enough.


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Does it make you sick, too?

Sometimes I want to go hide from the humans and their animosities.

Sometimes I want to go hide from the humans and their animosities.


Does it make you sick? It sure makes me want to puke. Humans are becoming more despicable every day. I’ve always enjoyed riding in the car, but now even more! There is NO TV, and the Geezer refuses to have the radio turned on. Why is that good: I’m not tortured by the hostility and violence that is constantly present on the media and masquerades as humanity. I’m tired of people screaming at each other. I’m tired of every TV and movie drama and sitcom having violence or political propaganda at its center. I’m tired of people professing knowledge of things they know nothing about. I’m really tired of folks who dislike others and can’t explain why. (Other than someone else told them they should.) I’m tired of division, division, division, particularly those who accuse others of dividing then do it themselves. I sick of people carrying “stop hate” signs rioting, destroying other peoples property, and trying to injure those who think differently from them. (They are the bottom of the human trash heap. It has to be their way or the violent way.)

Let me share some canine common sense with you humans. I’ll put in bold, colored font so it’s easy to read.



Sometimes a dog has to say what a dog has to say! I’m usually a glass half full, try to write neutral, kind of canine, but I’m really getting to abhor politics and particularly all the political groups stirring up trouble. Pass this along if you agree.


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Does this remind you of politicians’ offers?

Anybody for lunch? Any body? Any body at all?

Anybody for lunch? Any body? Any body at all?

Goodness! It’s October 12, 2015! If I’ve calculated correctly, that’s 394 more days until the next presidential election. I don’t know if me and my humans will maintain our sanity if we have to be subjected to the insanity spewing from TV, Mags, Papers, and the I-net. Maybe it’s a new strategy: If the media bombards us with enough manure, we’ll lose interest and elect another loser of their choice. Have you seen some of the BS they’re putting out? Some of the best fantasy writers of our time are masquerading as journalists. I can’t help but think of the old cliche “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” when I hear these idiots scream at each other. They twist the truth like Superman makes pretzels out of steel bars. Election fatigue is here with a year to go.

When it gets here … Whoever gets elected … Please start by draining the great dismal swamp called Washington. My human says if we can get somebody, anybody, elected from outside corruption central, there’s a chance for the country to make it. As he points out, when the swamp dries, the bureaucrats and elected officials will be of some use. The skins from the rats and reptiles inhabiting the place now can be converted into something more usable like shoes, purses, fuzzy slippers, and fur-lined toilets.

The picture above is a reminder to be careful that when all those promising politicos tell you, “I’d like to invite you for lunch,” be sure you aren’t the main course.


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